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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Domestic abuse and getting an injunction

4 replies

TherapyClient · 22/12/2021 16:58

Please can I ask people, what is your experience of domestic abuse and getting an injunction or non molestation order (are they even one in the same?).

I sought help of a divorce lawyer becusse my H wasn't to divorce me, who guided me to a domestic violence website and a therapist who specialises in this sort of thing.

I had my first session with the therapist today and boy, oh boy, I am starting to see things differently. I always thought an injunction can only been obtained through being physically pinned up against the wall or actually hit, or military style nose-to-nose bellowing with throbbing arteries and red face, but apparently that's how it used to be. And now, since the law changed in relation to coercive control, it can be obtained for that.

I have a list of examples of lots of little events that this therapist tells me I rationalise away, which she feels is a coping strategy I used to get through it. For the first time it dawned on me that could be true. She talked about some of the examples I'd given, and spoke of me building myself up to a place where I can set clear boundaries and stand up against H, which made me have a physical reaction which the therapist saw and described to accurately to me. She said a body reaction like that cannot be faked and she can see I live in terror, and that fear enough adds to the picture to get an injunction.

So I suppose my long-winded question is, what kind of thing have you got an injunction over, that doesn't involve actual physical violence? I suppose I want to compare notes a bit, to learn to stick my head above the parapet and stop normalising what I find hard to face.

Please be kind though. I'm finding this so hard to navigate, especially as I so much want to shield my children, and do feel quite vulnerable. Thank you.

OP posts:
Jk24 · 22/12/2021 21:50

Cant offer advice I'm afraid but a hand hold and an ear/eyes on here if you need it Flowers

Dery · 22/12/2021 23:38

Call the National Centre for Domestic Violence and ask for their help in getting a non-mol. I have helped c. 20 NCDV clients with preparing applications for non-mols. In many cases, there was no physical violence but there was emotional and psychological violence. The orders were granted in all cases.

TherapyClient · 22/12/2021 23:46

Thank you.
I think for me, the struggle is that I normalise everything. I have this red line, like if he hits me then it's game over. And sometimes I wish he would just go right ahead and hit me so I'm gone. But he's a non-drinking alcoholic who fought me to take drugs all year, and blames me for everything that goes wrong in his everyday life. To me, the way he belittles my views and preferences and is controlling, like getting aggressive if I don't run things past him before acting independently, is just a personality issue rather than emotional abuse or coercive control, but I'm slowly starting to see things in a different way. I just don't know if it's quite enough to nail an injunction or non-molestation order (or even if that's one in the same?).

OP posts:
TherapyClient · 22/12/2021 23:50

@Dery

Call the National Centre for Domestic Violence and ask for their help in getting a non-mol. I have helped c. 20 NCDV clients with preparing applications for non-mols. In many cases, there was no physical violence but there was emotional and psychological violence. The orders were granted in all cases.
Thank you for this. I have looked at their website already today and intend to call them tomorrow. I guess I kind of wanted to hear some real live stuff before I take that step. Also wasn't sure when the last episode has to be, which was last Sunday, when he spat out to our son that he disgusts him (only because he didn't want to participate in a leisure activity) and called him a cruel person just because he was playing a practical joke on some of us, a joke that is quite amusing in a way, mostly aimed at me, but that I am cool with. But it's stuff like that which gets pretty personal, and our son has been flagged up for feeling suicidal recently, so arguably needs more TLC than normal, not attacks like this.
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