My ex and boundaries

[Anon778833]

I know I’m not wrong about this, surely but I feel as though I am going mad.

My ex and I have a 2 year old daughter together. We split up about a year ago. However, he won’t let me go.

He texts me every day with kisses on the end. If he does a FT with our daughter he ends up talking to me about his job, problems with the neighbours etc.

He tries to find reasons for me to hang out with him.

He tries to buy me food treats.

He’s also very flirty when we are doing hand overs.

You may think he wants to get back with me but I don’t think it’s that because he was the main one who wanted to break up. The nail in the coffin so to speak was me deciding to have the Covid vaccine.

Im autistic and very easily manipulated. But even I can see that it’s inappropriate to be behaving this way. I told him this and he said it’s normal to behave this way after you’ve split up with someone if you have a child together.

Somehow I can’t extract him from my life and properly move on because he’s always there.

fair enough

I have told him I want to use this app and he's arguing with me and telling me I'm not being adult.

Don't engage.

He will HAVE to use the app if he wants to arrange to see DD.
Get it, send him one last text saying "all comms is now on the app - here's your link" -
& then block him on everything else.

He will then have no choice but to communicate via app.

Do NOT seek to justify your decision to him.
This is not a negotiation.
You do not need his permission.

Thank you. I need to take control of my own life and he’s trying to manipulate me into thinking our daughter will be happier if we hang out together 🙄

Your ex is so full of shit! - Your daughter will be happiest with a secure & calm mum.

When you said that he tries to force himself into his ex-wife's life by calling her from random numbers, surely you can see that this isn't about boundaries but about control of people he thinks should do and be what he tells them to be. And quite honestly, I wouldn't be listening to ANYONE who wanted to rant at me about vaccines and Qanon etc.

@BlingLoving

When you said that he tries to force himself into his ex-wife's life by calling her from random numbers, surely you can see that this isn't about boundaries but about control of people he thinks should do and be what he tells them to be. And quite honestly, I wouldn't be listening to ANYONE who wanted to rant at me about vaccines and Qanon etc.

Oh I couldn't agree more, honestly. It's just a nightmare.

every single time he comes to pick up dd for his contact weekend, he says to me 'come to the cafe and I'll buy you breakfast'

It's affecting my mental health.

I think there are cheaper apps which do similar things.

However until you can refuse to engage with him £200 won’t solve your problems anyway.

Have you had any kind of counselling OP?

Yeah I've had 2 years of counselling. I'm autistic though - that's why I'm easily manipulated.

every single time he comes to pick up dd for his contact weekend, he says to me 'come to the cafe and I'll buy you breakfast'

Do you say yes? Because if so, stop. It's a simple, "No thanks. See you next week" and close door.

No, I always say no. But he keeps on. He twists everything.

Today he turned up at my door with a Christmas present for me 🙄

What did you do OP?
I’ve had that situation a few years ago….

I told him it wasn't appropriate and he forced it into my door. Along with stuff for dd, then telling me his mum was crying about not seeing toddler dd today.

My older dd who is 18, said 'why is he telling you this?' She's right...

Right. I have got the new software and he is refusing to use it.

He is saying that I shouldn't have given them his email address without his permission.

He's complaining and whining about using it.

So shall I just block him and hope he sorts out using the app? He hates not getting his own way.