What makes someone the fallback girl?

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

I was sufficiently interested in this to download the book talked about on various posts, but haven't read it yet.

What makes a woman the Fallback Girl? Is it something about her, or about the man? Or a mix of the two?

And what makes a guy decide someone is a Fallback Girl?

I haven't read it, don't think I need to to know. It's both, the man will use her when there's no one better in his life, in between relationships, she keeps accepting him in and out of her life.

The Fallback Girl is also emotionally unavailable, neither really want to commit to each other but its better than being single.

I recommend reading the book, its reslly good.

Haven't read the book, but here are my thoughts: it's not about who you are intrinsically, it's about your boundaries and what you'll tolerate. Men of low character are pretty undiscriminating and try their tricks on all kinds of women: the fallback girl is the one who tolerates their shitty conduct, and keeps allowing them back into her life.

You might want to google the sharkcage analogy.

The fallback girl will tie herself to men who are emotionally unavailable for her. She is also emotionally unavailable in the sense that she doesn’t know her self worth, nor has a sense of boundaries when it comes to relationships so will end up in unfulfilling situations that may be a long, beige relationship OR where she is seen solely as the purveyor of casual sex.

She will never demand proper dates, bemoan romantic gestures such as flowers or a present on her birthday as materialistic to be all cool-girl with the man who doesn’t want to spoil her, or will just spoil the man to try and ‘show him’ how she secretly wants to be treated. If the man keeps his fallback girl long term- she’ll probably have 3 kids with him without her surname and without any talk of engagement. She also generally doesn’t have anything she is passionate about in her own life- or if she does, will cancel and change plans at the whim of the bloke in question.

Lots of men have an incredibly low sense of self worth themselves and will not see the fallback girl as a humble goddess who loves them no matter what and never demands anything- they will see her as pathetic for tolerating his bullshit. There are men out there having whole relationships and families with women they don’t even like.

Their dream girl (opposite of the fallback girl) will need to be romanced- she won’t chase not put up with his low effort bullshit. So then these men will make the effort and do anything within their power to make her happy. It doesn’t mean they aren’t secretly bastards- they may well be, but they will hide it for dream girl, for a period of time.

They call it the fallback girl but it's both male and female actually. It's just that person who you know will give you attention and validation but they don't quite fit your vision of the perfect partner so it will never be anything permanent or real. And the fallback person knows that.

There are men out there having whole relationships and families with women they don’t even like.

This!!! Such a hard pill to swallow, but so important!

I think a lot of those types of men described above don’t like women full stop.

Usually insecure and often younger women who fall into the role when they meet and fall for an emotionally unavailable man.

Usually insecure and often younger women who fall into the role when they meet and fall for an emotionally unavailable man.

Yes, often young and socially conditioned to always be nice and extend the benefit of the doubt to shady men. Typically overinvested in romantic narratives and finding a life partner at any cost. Older women tend to reject the fallback girl role due to learning from experience, either their own or that of friends and acquaintances.