I split up with exDH over two years ago now. He was emotionally abusive with alcohol and painkiller addiction. He had checked out of the marriage and didn't include himself in day to day family life (mainly stayed in the bedroom etc). The final straw came when he was arrested for drink driving and had our older DD in the car with him. Thankfully no one was harmed but DD was quite traumatised by the event, saw her dad being arrested and had to be taken by police to her aunt's house (I was away overnight seeing a friend at the time).
Anyway that was what prompted me to finally end the marriage. Since then, life has been so much better.
We have two DDs age 12 and 10. They generally go and stay with their dad on a Saturday night. DD12 has never enjoyed going, and has gone through periods of not going at all.
The issue now though is I can see his behaviour beginning to affect older DD. She stays in her room most of the time she is there, he says horrible things to her and shouts at her (according to her. But I recognise the behaviour pattern from him). Last night he phoned saying she is a 'little bitch' and we need to talk about her. He had tried to call her but it was 1030pm and she didn't answer, there's nothing in her texts to him to indicate her as being rude, although she can come across this way at times (recently diagnosed as autistic).
I suppose I am looking for ways in which to support her with him, as I don't think he will change the way he engages and interacts with her. My life was horrible for a long time when with him, and I hate to think of her going through similar.