So I have NC for this to get responses based on this post only.
I have recently backed off from a long standing friendship mainly because I felt it had become very one-sided and unreciprocated.
However a few things have been bothering me.
Changes to the friendship occurred since she remarried about ten years ago. Perhaps it has run its course, Perhaps her husband has some influence in this. A few things have niggled me and I'm wondering if something is going on. What do you think?
- When she met her husband he was unemployed, living in a bedsit and had no car or assets. She has her own home. Both in their late forties.
- He moved in within weeks which, tbh, shocked me as she dumped her current relationship (married man) for him and I wondered if it was a bit too quick for any relationship having just got out of such an unhappy situation.
- He got a job but only lasted about a month, he was unhappy, so just jacked it in. In the meantime she took him on his first holiday abroad, paid for everything. He did find another job but not much above minimum wage and deliberately low stress for him.
- I did say to her at the time about being careful regarding his rights to her house as did another friend. She wasn't best pleased and told him. He has brought it up numerous times since in a passive aggressive way about her 'saving' him when he was in the gutter.
- Friend pays most of the bills. He smokes and spends most of his free time in the pub. She usually spends weekends doing her own thing until she meets him in the pub. She mentioned having to take out a loan to pay off debt which is most unlike her.
- She used to come and stay the weekend with me a lot but that died off and when she did stay she would leave a lot earlier than normal to get back to him. She mentioned that he would text her asking if she was really at mine because he'd been cheated on before.
- They have come to stay at my house a few times in the last few years. We have never been invited to stay at theirs which has become an issue as over the years my friend has practically lived at my house. To meet up now involves a very long train journey plus expenses to meet for lunch for a couple of hours. They are unwilling to do the same but probably would accept a weekend invite at our expense. There have been numerous excuses not to meet. I have now given up trying to make plans as the excuses are ridiculous.
- The last time I went to meet my friend near to where she lives (two and a half hour journey) she was nearly an hour and a half late for a 20 minute journey and avoided any explanation although I asked. She's not normally late. She also handed me a birthday gift that was smashed. She said she'd dropped it.
- My friend doesn't see anyone she knew pre husband. All her friends are now through him and the pub. There was a recent fall out with the other long term friend who had raised concerns about him.
- Apparently my friend had gone to leave the pub with her husband and this friend ended up slapping his face as she thought he was controlling my friend. I got conflicting versions about this from my friend and her husband. The friendship is now ended.
- There have been numerous incidents when I have felt left down by my friend. Plans made for both of them with her then denied being made later. Introductory offer I gave them taken up but given to someone else.
- Neither of his adult children will have anything to do with him. He also doesn't see his grandchild.
Perhaps I am being paranoid but would appreciate your views.