Have I been “friend zoned”?

[CherryBlossomPink]

I’ve started a relationship with a guy who lives some distance from me, so when we meet up it’s for a full weekend rather than just for an evening out.
We met online and messaged/called each other every day for around a month before arranging our first actual date which was for coffee while I was visiting his city for work. We really clicked and there was a lot of kissing & cuddling but at the time we didn’t really expect it to go anywhere due to the distance, but we’ve both made the effort to travel and have now had several weekends together and are still calling every day and agreed in our first weekend together it would be exclusive
Since then, he told me he was looking for more than just a hookup for sex, and he wanted to take things slowly and get to know each other properly as we have both been hurt in the past (both divorced after a long term marriage)
I have no problem with this, and in principal think it’s a good idea but am starting to wonder if he’s seeing me as more of a friend than a girlfriend! We share a bed and hold hands when out, we are quite touchy feely with each other, but no proper kissing since our first date and no sex!
I’m starting to feel like he just doesn’t fancy me, but I’m guilty of overthinking things and he has said he just wants to take it slow - so am I kidding myself and I’ve been friend zoned, (although he’s making a lot of effort for me if that’s the case!) or should I just let him take his time?
We’ve been “together” for around 8 weeks now and have spent 3 long weekends together and have plans for a weekend away for New Year.

I think you need to take him at his word. He has done nothing to suggest otherwise.

Focus on the positives, you have good times together, are getting to know each other and you have even agreed exclusivity. Plenty of people post on here about how someone they are seeing won't agree to exclusivity or has ended things once it's brought up!

3 weekends together (essentially 3 extended dates) is nothing to get concerned about. Give it a few more and if it is continuing to bother you either bring it up in conversation or just make the moves physically yourself to try and escalate things?

Thank you - I’m very guilty of overthinking and just wanted another opinion! He seems really genuine and I’m not in any rush as I really do like him a lot and enjoy spending time with him - just so new to the whole dating scene again I was having a wobble!

I would find it odd myself, but it depends what someone’s feelings about sex are I suppose. Don’t you find it hard to keep your hands off each other if you are sharing a bed? I would find that difficult in an exciting new relationship…..

The no proper kissing also seems weird.

Have you raised it with him - I mean the fact that it is concerning you a bit?

“Taking things slowly” is fine, but it needs to be a mutual decision rather than all on his terms, which is what this sounds more like. He wants to wait for months before having sex - do you? Has he asked? Does he care?

Apart from that, sexual compatibility is really important. What happens once you’ve been dating a few months and have sex for the first time and he has some kind of dysfunction he was trying to hide (I’m a cynic and my view is that men who want to wait usually fall into this category), or he’s crap in bed, or has a fetish you don’t, or the sex just generally isn’t very good? By that point you’re more likely to have feelings and think you ought to stay with this otherwise “great, sweet, lovely” guy and sacrifice the sex bit, which never works out long term.