Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do I feel like this?

3 replies

tinseltits21 · 20/12/2021 11:06

NC because taken with my other posts it could be outing.

I was in an 18 month relationship with an emotionally abusive man who really broke my self-worth and self-esteem. I did a lot of healing work on myself and I am now in a much healthier relationship with a great guy.

However, yesterday I discovered that my ex has a new girlfriend and I am having so many unexpected mixed emotions about this:

  • jealousy that she will be experiencing the 'nice' side of him at the moment (lovebombing etc)
  • pity for her that she doesn't know what he's really like
  • anger that he has moved on
  • sadness that I wasn't good enough for him (he has a pic with her on his fb whereas he never did that with me)
  • frustration that i helped him to become more kind and caring (as said his colleagues and friends) and that the new girl will benefit from that
  • curiosity as to whether he will be able to commit to her (he is textbook avoidant).

We broke up over a year ago. Why do I even care???? I'd like to be the better person and wish him well but I just feel angry and I kind of want him to be alone. Maybe I'm more bitter than I thought...

OP posts:
Sonaftersonafterson · 20/12/2021 11:09

You're not bitter.

Honestly they are normal emotions to feel regardless of if he was an abusive shit or not.

It will pass. You're yearning for the person he pretends to be.

ravenmum · 20/12/2021 11:14

Why is the picture on FB? Who for?

Hopefully you did him some good and this girl will get an improved version, but it sounds a bit unlikely to me ... and much more like he wasn't good enough for you than vice versa.

tinseltits21 · 20/12/2021 20:51

Thank you both so much for the replies - they have brought me great comfort and you are both absolutely right - I'm yearning for the person he pretends to be and I was actually too good for him! Thank you for the reminders. Honestly, the kindness of strangers on the internet never fails to astound me xx

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page