Finding love mid 40s..

[slipperylittlesukker]

I really thought i had found 'the one' but that went tits up......

I'm not a fan of the dating apps cause as soon as you give out your number, inevitably a dick pic or 5 will appear in my inbox, even though it's been stressed that's not my thing (not from a stranger anyway)... Also, no one seems to be able to hold a conversation anymore, and what makes being single worse is that now isn't the climate to be hunting for men in a social situation, not that I'm particularly an 'out out' person anyway.

I just want to find a decent, loyal, loving, honest and kind man.... not asking for the world. I so miss being in love and miss the closeness and affection that comes with really loving someone....

The whole thing of being single at this age is crap....

X

You can find love at any age but it won't find you staying at home.

If you get invited out by friends say yes, you never know who you'll meet.

Work related works for some people either colleagues or clients.

Online I'd say don't give up but be very fussy who you match with, spell it out for them you want a relationship and won't tolerate sex chat straight away, keep chatting on the app a bit longer before giving your number out.

Go on speed dating events! Look online near your area or a bit further afield- you'll need to be prepared to put yourself out

I did. I was 45, single, no children and living in deepest rural Portugal.

He was 54, single, no children and living in Zurich.

12 years later we have 7 horses, 6 dogs, 2 goats, 2 cats, 12 chickens and 2 roosters.

@Sarahlou63

LOVE THAT!!

Same here..although not ready to date yet I know it will be tough.
Haha @Sarahlou63 brilliant!!

Keep going. They’re there. I found mine on OLD. Tonight on text we w discussed lockdown. Sports personality of the year, the merits of upgrading flights, some recipes we want to try, the guy from il divo who sadly died from covid issues with parents and how long Boris has left

Ok we’ve been together for over a year but our messages even from day 1 were conversations not dick pics! Helps he’s also very sexy and great in bed but it’s totally secondary to our general chat. They’re out there!

@Oneforthemoneytwo

Love that for you too...... ❤️

Gives me a little hope, but my self esteem is on the floor....just don't feel attractive at all. Wrinkles, hair is greying..... just not a good look.

It's really impossible to guarantee whether you will or won't meet someone - although people would like to rationalise OLD and being 'persistent' with it, in reality it isn't a meritocracy and there's simply no logic to the process. Some people never get their 'reward' despite being on various dating platforms for years while others are 'rewarded' despite putting in little effort. It's essentially timing and luck in my opinion.
I've no practical advice.

Are you also looking for someone to have a family with, or just a partner?

@Anthurium

I don't want children, I have a 23 year old son, those days are past me.

You are only 45! You are describing yourself like the old woman who lived in a shoe.

The greying hair etc can be changed - if you want - so plan a makeover if that will chirp you up.

Do you have friends and activities? If not bolster these up. A) a partner isn’t everything B) someone with a busy life is more attractive and c) you wouldn’t be the first person to meet a partner at a walking club etc.

Get back on old once you’ve given yourself a boost. You could also try speeddating, and you could consider a dating Bureau - expensive but they screen for you. Dating is a numbers game - no one can guarantee you will find the love of your life (although you might well) but if you want a partner of some sort you will find that if you put in the spade work.

Name changed for this but DH and I were both mid 40s when we met. Neither had been married before. He is my last first kiss and really is the man of my dreams.

OP I agree about dating apps. If I was in your position. They'd be the last place I'd look. First I'd join about four different social groups for things that interest me, and try to meet men through those, so we had genuine interests in common - something sporty - running club or martial art, something arty - writing or painting class, something quirky - if you have any niche interests like historical re-enactment or metal detecting or rock-climbing/kayaking/wild swimming etc and something academic - an evening class or lecture series.

I'm not looking to meet a man but did want to find new hiking friends and joined a Meet Up group for that. It was good fun and seemed to attract singles.

I'm
On Facebook dating. The people I've met have actually been ok. And do dodgy pics

No dodgy picks

@Luredbyapomegranate

I'm sorry if I sounded like I'm a older than I am... I have been looking into getting Botox recently to spruce up my look... just financially it's not doable at the mo, but definitely something that'll make me happier :-)

I guess at 46 and seeing my friends all in decent relationships/marriages and I find myself back at square one... I think what's worse is that I believed I had found the person I wanted forever ... but wasn't meant to be.

Whenever I get frustrated or want to throw myself a pity party, I remind myself:

Young women today have it so much harder than I ever did at their age, and probably harder than I ever will.

I was never expected to look like a sex doll; never pressured to do anal; never told by my peer group to be cool and eager about porn; didn’t need hair extensions, fake eyelashes, lip injections. Some of my friends got nose jobs but that was not about sex. Women on tv looked human. And so on.

Dating middle aged men is not without its challenges, but I do feel lucky that the men in my dating pool were born in the 70s rather than the 2000s. They are more realistic in their expectations.

I don’t know if this viewpoint helps you but it’s something optimistic to consider.

@PuertoVallarta

Thank you :-)

While your comment is a very true standpoint - those 'new' social standards for which those younger women are being told is whats 'beautiful' is what we're competing against. A lot of men (not every) have this vision of a woman, shes usually flawless, perky tits, perfect skin, permanently tanned and goes to the gym 7 days a week. Growing up like yourself in the 70s, of course there were women who were beautiful who'd had a little work here and there - but now, you can't walk down the street without seeing a boob job/Botox/fake eyelashes/hair extensions and the perfectly manicured nails.... Natural seems to be practically obsolete and let's not forget the ability to filter a pic.... The media doesn't seem to like a woman to age, at any age!!!!! It's bloody daunting especially when I lean more to the 'tom boy' look ......

It's tricky for sure being single and actually ageing, naturally ........

I found my partner OLD. There are good ones out there in amongst all the idiots! We clicked from the first message and I’m so glad I took a chance on him. I’d been on my own almost 8 years (mid 40’s) and wasn’t really sure what I was looking for, but we seem perfect for each other.

I was 54 when I met my chap; you're a baby in comparison! Honestly, you aren't old, give yourself a little makeover and get back out there.

When I say makeover, I mean hair cut and colour, some new make up, that sort of thing. Not plastic surgery or injectables!

You're not "competing" against those women though... stop comparing yourself and start focusing on all the reasons why men would want to date you.

The reality is that most men in your age group wouldn't want a relationship with an imitation blow up doll. They want a woman with some life experience and intelligence, who can hold a decent conversation.

Get a haircut, a manicure and a facial. Treat yourself to some new clothes...look at Vinted if you're on a budget. Then put yourself out there. Join a club or an activity where you'll meet new people. Learn a new skill. Say yes to invitations from friends. Stop looking and start just having a fulfilling life. That's how you'll find someone, not trawling through Tinder worrying that you don't look 25 any more.

[quote slipperylittlesukker]@PuertoVallarta

Thank you :-)

While your comment is a very true standpoint - those 'new' social standards for which those younger women are being told is whats 'beautiful' is what we're competing against. A lot of men (not every) have this vision of a woman, shes usually flawless, perky tits, perfect skin, permanently tanned and goes to the gym 7 days a week. Growing up like yourself in the 70s, of course there were women who were beautiful who'd had a little work here and there - but now, you can't walk down the street without seeing a boob job/Botox/fake eyelashes/hair extensions and the perfectly manicured nails.... Natural seems to be practically obsolete and let's not forget the ability to filter a pic.... The media doesn't seem to like a woman to age, at any age!!!!! It's bloody daunting especially when I lean more to the 'tom boy' look ......

It's tricky for sure being single and actually ageing, naturally ........[/quote]
I think you are worrying too much about this vision of beauty! I don’t have Botox, fake tits, eyelashes, hair - it is possible to be fit, moisturized and keep on top of grey roots and weight in your 40’s. I met my partner of 13 years online and it’s graat. We are neither of us perfect. It goes much deeper than fake looks

To find a decent person you have to listen very carefully to what they say over time. This is time consuming if chatting to a few people but dh's messages stood out from the others, I could tell I was communicating with an educated, bright, kind person.

Took a long time and lots of patience though.