No help from partner

[TTCbaby]

I’m not sure if I’m under the right thread here. But how would I talk to my partner about him helping around the house. We both work. He is a builder so does a manual job and long day. I’m an administrator doing around 30 hours a week. I do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, childcare duties, washing etc… our little boy is 2.5yrs and still wakes at least once in night quite often. Sometimes we dont sleep at all. Hubby thinks as he does a manual job he should be able to come and relax and the same at weekends lay in till 11am then play the PlayStation and watch films all day while I do everything. He thinks as he’s the main bread winner and has the manual job everything else should be down to me. Am
I being selfish or am I right to feel annoyed?

Why on earth would you think you’re being selfish? Of course you should be annoyed. Working doesn’t give you a free pass to do fuck all at home. When’s your time off to do what you want to do? Looking at your username you’re not really TTC are you? He’s going to do nothing towards the next child too.

Ditch the idea that he should help. The problem with thinking that he should help, is that it implies that everything is down to you and if he does anything he's helping you. Actually, he's a grown man who should be pulling his weight regarding his own mess, washing, cooking, etc.

There is an easy answer, stop doing everything.

I posted on your last thread a few days ago. This relationship doesn’t sound like it’s working for you. You’re not getting what you need and it doesn’t look likely to improve.

No you’re not being selfish
The problem you have is that you have a decision to make - stay or go. Are you happy to live your life this way?

It's not called helping, it's called pulling his weight.

Cooking, cleaning, shopping, childcare etc are all his responsibilities that he is shirking.

Stop talking about it as "helping" you because that just communicates that you agree with him that it's your job as a lowly woman to do all the unpaid work.

You're not asking for a favour. You were not put on earth to serve men.

You should be doing the same number of hours of work - regardless of whether it is paid or unpaid.

How many hours of work do you do? 30 plus how many unpaid?

And he does, what 40 total?

It's quite blatantly unfair.

He’s a selfish man-child who benefits very nicely from this little set-up.
How do you benefit from being in this relationship?

Your first mistake is referring to it as him “helping” you

Why does he think it's 'helping' you by doing his share of the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc? You are not paid to be his maid or housekeeper. (He couldn't afford a full time, live in housekeeper/nanny)

Therefore he should be doing the chores around the house that he would need to do if you weren't there to 'help' him with them. If he lived alone he couldn't lie on the sofa/in bed/on a Playstation and have jobs magically get done by the elves. He needs to grow up a long way. He's a father now - not a teenager.

I speak as someone married to a welder and steel erector who worked tough 14 hour days and still pulled his weight at home.

Ditch the idea that he should help

This. He should be pulling his weight.

Our rule is one up, all up. No way would I carry the load while he was sat on his lazy arse.

Thanks everyone I don’t feel so crazy now haha. And no it’s an old username definitely no more children for us. As much as I love DS. @AnneLovesGilbert yes I was meant to reply to that thread. I’ll update later. Reason I ask about this situation is because I have a few people my end who think I’m being unreasonable (yes mostly men) x

You post as many threads as you like and you don’t have to reply to any of them!

Sorry, I’m not having a pop. I feel sad for you that he’s letting you down like this in so many different ways and I hope you realise you deserve better. That’s all

You seem desperately unhappy op, you posted a few times already about your relationship.
There's a simple answer each time.

You need to be aware of the example he’s setting for your DS. You say it’s mostly men who feel like you’re being unreasonable. Now is the time to break the cycle for your son.

Thé issue is;is he actually capable of change?;this seems to be an ingrained attitude and you've been doing it for all this time.

It sounds like he's set in his ways and is an immature arse.I'll put money on him moving straight out of his mums house and in with you and I'm also betting his mum did everything for him and you've basically adopted a man child

@TTCbaby

Thanks everyone I don’t feel so crazy now haha. And no it’s an old username definitely no more children for us. As much as I love DS. *@AnneLovesGilbert* yes I was meant to reply to that thread. I’ll update later. Reason I ask about this situation is because I have a few people my end who think I’m being unreasonable (yes mostly men) x

If he lived on his own or with your DC, who would have to do it all then?

Honestly I'd just leave him. Increase your hours to 40 if you can and get the fuck out.

You're never going to change his sexist attitude. Find someone who treats you like a princess.

What a pointless individual he is.

You should each have an equal amount of leisure time, when you're not either:

• Working a paid job
• Doing any kind of housework, life admin or planning things for the kids
• Looking after children

Put it on a spreadsheet and plan it to the hour if you have to!