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Original poster

Online chatting - what’s the mystery ?

22 replies

SandyBut · 19/12/2021 12:58

Chatting to a nice guy online. Definitely exists. Definitely has a proper job Etc. Is divorced no kids must be ok as his ex brother in law lodged in his flat for a bit.
However we haven’t met. He hasn’t given me his number.

That’s cool as it’s all just occasional and relaxed but I’m curious …thinking married still definitely? but he says it’s because of something that happened in his marriage he’d rather tell me about in person.

So I’m thinking he’s a criminal or a maybe suffered something awful like a bereavement?

This not life or death. I’m just wondering.

OP posts:
dumplings1 · 19/12/2021 13:19

Has he any intentions of meeting you? Could be that he's not sure enough to meet you up that he doesn't want to give his number out and doesn't want to be honest to say.

Perhaps he is attached, is other possibility..

If you are meeting up I'd want a number so you could contact if running late or what if he was a potentially a predator how would the police trace him, I know that's extreme thinking but he's a stranger and to build a connection for a date you should still build up enough trust for each other's real name number although obviously still meeting in a safe place. It would worry me tbh if I had arranged a date without a number.

Pinkbonbon · 19/12/2021 13:24

Well you only have his word about his ex lodging in his flat.

In my past experience when men have twice been cagey about giving out social media details its been because one of them had a gf and the other one was seeing multiple women. So...phone wise, maybe he doesn't want to risk you phoning him incase the gf sees. Maybe she is well aware he is prone to cheating.

My guess is he is going to tell you his ex is nuts and so he is frightened to give out his number incase its her or she finds it.

He may also just not want to meet as some ppl just want the chat.

Or like you day, he may be a criminal. And hoping that by dragging out meeting until you like him a lot, that you will overlook it.

Either way, red flags awaving. There's drama before you've even met the guy. Give him a wide swerve.

Pinkbonbon · 19/12/2021 13:26

Oh qnd if that wasn't clear, telling you his ex is crazy is standard bullshit btw. Used by players and narcissists alike to keep you apart or to play you off against the ex.

Salayes · 19/12/2021 13:31

Sorry this would be a hard no from me. I can’t think of anything non dodgy someone would refuse to talk to you about until you met in person about their marriage.

The only times like this when someone you don’t know wants to have a face to face is if it’s something bad and they think they have a better chance of convincing you once they have spent a bit of time with you in person and can gauge how best to present their version of whatever it is.

Original poster
SandyBut · 19/12/2021 13:40

Oh no mention of ex mental health at all.

Don’t worry guys - not a serious thing. I’m not meeting

OP posts:
Original poster
SandyBut · 19/12/2021 13:40

@Salayes

Sorry this would be a hard no from me. I can’t think of anything non dodgy someone would refuse to talk to you about until you met in person about their marriage.

The only times like this when someone you don’t know wants to have a face to face is if it’s something bad and they think they have a better chance of convincing you once they have spent a bit of time with you in person and can gauge how best to present their version of whatever it is.

Yes. I agree. Something weird innit
OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 19/12/2021 13:41

These 'mysterious' types are always, always time-wasters in one form or another, so it just depends how much time you want to waste

mugglenutmeg · 19/12/2021 13:42

I'd say married....getting a thrill out of female attention but not yet ready to meet up and cheat in person.

thickthighs73 · 19/12/2021 13:43

@mugglenutmeg

I'd say married....getting a thrill out of female attention but not yet ready to meet up and cheat in person.
This
Original poster
SandyBut · 19/12/2021 13:48

Yes. Or divorced as he said but with a new partner.

OP posts:
TwatInTinFoil · 19/12/2021 13:53

I had one of these, loved chatting none stop but hardly could meet up.

Still lived with ex although separated and of course she had a personality disorder so he had to be the doting dad and couldn't leave his kids with her.

He wouldn't give number out either at first.

I wasted over a year, he was so persistent with messages. Don't be me!

IncompleteSenten · 19/12/2021 14:00

He's not wanting to talk dirty or get explicit photos from you is he?
That's a thing apparently. They'll talk for a bit then start getting mucky but they don't actually want to meet, they're basically looking for a masturbatory aid.

DixieSun · 19/12/2021 14:00

Married

TheDuchessOfMN · 19/12/2021 14:05

Have you asked him for his number?

Original poster
SandyBut · 19/12/2021 14:07

Yes and got this weird reply. We chatted years ago for ages then fell out of the habit. He’s kind of a long term flirty virtual friend I’ve never met.
Obv have googled ;)

OP posts:
TheDuchessOfMN · 19/12/2021 14:09

I wouldn’t waste a second longer on him.
But tell him first - give him one last chance to exchange numbers with view to meet soon

Original poster
SandyBut · 19/12/2021 15:02

Oh I’m not bothered if we never meet to be honest I’ve known him about four or five years

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 19/12/2021 15:31

These types are very common and very boring! The amount of men who are 'separated' but still living with their 'ex' Hmm can't leave because of the children, I'm convinced none of these women know they're separated!

Some men never have any intention of meeting they just like the texting and attention.

BrilliantBetty · 19/12/2021 16:14

Probably wants sex chat.

gofigureit · 20/12/2021 00:08

Just wanting his ego stroked.
I would fade him out to be honest

Original poster
SandyBut · 20/12/2021 06:44

I think you’re right.

OP posts:
IamGusFring · 20/12/2021 15:02

@SandyBut

Oh I’m not bothered if we never meet to be honest I’ve known him about four or five years
What is the point ? You've "known him " for 4 or 5 years but you haven't really if you don't even know basic info about him ?
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