Honeymoon Period Arguments

[Careermummy]

Hi,

I've been with someone for 18 months. At the start we had some issues but worked through them and since then have had a happy and loving relationship. The last few weeks though, we've started rowing a lot, mainly over trivial things. I guess this is the end of the honeymoon period. Is this normal and can it be worked through or is it just actually we're not that suited after all? I hadn't been in a new relationship for a long time before this so am unsure if this is normal. Thank you.

If it’s not easy then it’s not worth it
What are you arguing about?

If it's too much hard work this early on then it's not worth it . Been with DH nearly 15 years and we've never argued , and if there's an issue it's been discussed calmly .

It may be you’re just not suited and you are now finding this out, but depends what you are arguing about… relationships shouldnt be full of arguments as thats showing you dont get on…

It depends - has anything changed recently to make you argue more? fH and I argued loads when we first moved in together and adjusted. Also what are you arguing about?

9 years later we’re very happily married and very rarely argue

Short answer - no, it isn't 'normal' to expect lots of arguing post honeymoon period. Lots of arguing is a sign of a mismatch.

Longer answer - context is key. If you've just gone through a crisis of some sort, or there's been a significant change in your relationship like moving in together, there may be a period when one or both of you is more irritable which leads to arguements. But no, in general, lots of arguing is a sign of a mismatch. You should be able to disagree without arguing.

TBF 18months is kind of do or die time. It’s usually the tipping point for becoming a serious relationship or deciding no it’s not for the long haul.

You actually don't truly know someone until you've argued with them. It gives you a chance to see their attitude to conflict - and your own.

So the important thing isn't the argument, it is the ability to come to a compromise that you can both genuinely agree on. Being forced into agreement by sullking or other manipulation is not agreement - it's being bullied into submission. Avoiding conflict at any price is also to be avoided, because nothing gets resolved and at least one of you is living a lie.

There may also be thinks you will never agree on - politics, morals etc - and in that case you both have to consider if you can agree to differ or if it is a dealbreaker.

18 months is often the time peope feel familiar enough to have disagreements - and some couples do bicker as a past-time. But if there's endless bickering then it isn't a good sign - because it turns the relationship into a power struggle, and that isn't fun.

And I hate to say it, but I've seen the truth of it often. 18 months is often the time men decide 'enough of this treating her like a princess - I've got her, so it's time she got in the scullery now'. That's dumping time.

Arguing more is definitely not (in my experience) normal at the "end of the honeymoon period". DH and I have been together 13 years and we still have so much fun together, and if anything argue less as we know each other better and have built a strong partnership. What kinds of things are you rowing about?

At the start we had some issues but worked through them

I find understatements like these on MN are usually a bad omen. What were the issues?

No I don’t recognise this.

Have been with my DH 5 years.

We generally live very harmoniously and are generally in agreement/ disagree very infrequently and even then are mostly able to just talk in through (& I have no problem arguing )
We are just v compatible so it doesn’t come up

Relationships should be easier than that. I’d rather be by myself

What are you arguing about? What were the first issues you had and are they the same ones which keep coming back?

This sounds like hard work.

Watch out op. There's plenty of people on here looking for red flags at the first opportunity.

DH and I went through similar and we are fine! We did need to get to the bottom of the issue though and the cause was something completely unexpected on my side. Once I understood his concern though all the fighting dissolved. I'm not saying it is either of your fault. Just make sure you get to the real cause of the issue.

All relationships go through more challenging times. Don't forget that.

@Merrymerry2

All relationships go through more challenging times. Don't forget that.

Not within 18 months they don’t.

And DH and I have been through some very challenging times but they’ve never led to frequent arguments.

It’s perfectly possible to resolve issues with healthy respectful communication. Rowing isn’t inevitable.

@Totalwasteofpaper

No I don’t recognise this.

Have been with my DH 5 years.

We generally live very harmoniously and are generally in agreement/ disagree very infrequently and even then are mostly able to just talk in through (& I have no problem arguing )
We are just v compatible so it doesn’t come up

Same here. Been with DP for years and we genuinely get along very well so don’t argue often (I can count the number of arguments on one hand) we disagree on things obviously but it doesn’t lead to an argument.