Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bath salts

52 replies

Joevanswell · 19/12/2021 07:54

My dh and I have been having problems for some time, rarely have sex and bicker lots. Just found out he has bought me bath salts for Christmas…. I am in my forties for context. It’s over isn’t it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Joevanswell · 19/12/2021 09:13

@frozendaisy I am sorry my exhaustion with helping patients daily doesnt lead to the best end point for my husband. Note to self: care about patients less. Let’s hope you don’t need someone like me over Christmas with your nasty comment.

OP posts:
Mumof3confused · 19/12/2021 09:19

Work wife got a personal gift but you got something you wouldn’t even like? I’d love some bath salts personally but if baths wasn’t my ‘thing’ I’d be annoyed. Perhaps the bath salts are for someone else.

frozendaisy · 19/12/2021 09:30

[quote Joevanswell]@frozendaisy I am sorry my exhaustion with helping patients daily doesnt lead to the best end point for my husband. Note to self: care about patients less. Let’s hope you don’t need someone like me over Christmas with your nasty comment.[/quote]
That context would have helped earlier. (We have supported our consultant NHS frontline friends throughout the pandemic so are aware of medic's work pressures).

But in my experience, regardless of your outside commitments, when you are romantically close as a couple you can tackle many other things together and release some tension.

Do you want to stay together? Or has he broken your love with this?

BobbieT1999 · 19/12/2021 09:34

@Joevanswell

No she got a more personal present, very outing so don’t want to put here in case he reads. I take baths about once every three months (shower daily!). I feel like a fool. I have been largely absent from home as working lots of extra hours due to frontline COVID role whereas I was very attentive before.
I'm sorry, op :(

I think the question is whether you want to see if you can jointly turn things around and repair your relationship or not.

Time for a serious talk with him, I think.

anon12345anon · 19/12/2021 09:42

@Joevanswell

I also meet his new single blonde young bubbly secretary at his Christmas do who introduced herself to me as his work wife …….
She sounds like a cunt Flowers
ErrolTheDragon · 19/12/2021 09:56

Would need more info on the "work wife" comment, it is a common term, some people say that to try and endear themselves to the wife

Only if they have the emotional maturity of a teaspoon.Hmm

And there's never really a person you should be having sex with, as it's consensual - just people you shouldn't be having sex with if it would be a betrayal etc.

LemonViolet · 19/12/2021 09:58

I am also a bath salts fan, in my 30s, we keep a biscotti jar of Epsom salts in the bathroom and DP (who takes way more baths than I do!) buys himself more fancy salts from Neals Yard! So I disagree they are just for grannies and inherently thoughtless. It sounds clear though this isn’t about the bath salts - you’ve made an assumption so far that they are your present, and that they are the only present. It’s clearly really upset you, perhaps a bit of a straw that broke the camels back scenario? I might consider talking to him about this. It’s really upset you and stewing in it all week to see if your assumption is true or not is only going to stress you out more, and possibly lead to more bickering on Christmas Day if you are right.

Why not address it now. DP, I saw that you bought bath salts on Amazon. Is that my Christmas present? It has made me feel really unappreciated, I am worried about our relationship because we are fighting all of the time and we’re lacking intimacy, I found your secretary’s comments about being your “work wife” really inappropriate and upsetting given how things are between us. Can we talk about this all as two adults and work on it together.

Because it’s not really about the bath salts is it?

Sorry, sounds like you’re facing shit on all fronts at the moment OP. The pandemic has pushed so many of us to the brink of burnout and beyond and we keep going, to the detriment of everything else in our lives including our personal relationships. Because if we don’t our patients suffer and we prioritise them over ourselves. Lack of patience and snapping at people is a burnout symptom too.

Hellocatshome · 19/12/2021 10:02

Well I bought my 14 year old DS bath salts as he uses them if he has aching muscles from football/the gym so not a grannie present but obviously there's a lot more going on here than just the present.

Cuddleswithkids · 19/12/2021 10:04

If it helps Dp proudly announced he’s got me a pair of gloves,’and they were only £6.99’
I mean what? It’s always because he earns and I don’t. But he’s managed to spend £400 on kids. I’ll best get on with the skivvying then.

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 19/12/2021 10:08

Work wife (hate that phrase - it’s def code for more) got a personal gift but you his actual wife of many years got bath salts from Amazon ?

Oh dear. I don’t mean to sound as if I’m making fun but do you remember the love actually scene where the husband gets the secretary he fancies a much better gift than his wife ?

In the film she says with him Sad.

Personally I think you (and Emma Thompson) deserve better.

furbabymama87 · 19/12/2021 10:10

Depends on the bath salts and if that's all he's given you. I love the Dove bath salts and Epsom salts.

Peakedtoosoon · 19/12/2021 10:13

Bath salts is a considerate present for anyone with exercise induced aches and pains or suffering high stress levels.

Maybe it forms part of a stress busting present?

LemonViolet · 19/12/2021 10:58

Or a token to represent a spa break so you have something to unwrap on the day but the real present is a weekend away to destress and reconnect.

Point being from what you’ve written OP you don’t know at the moment. Options are wait and see (and manage the stress that causes) or talk about it.

Darningfever · 19/12/2021 11:00

My old boss used to call me his work wife. There was never anything between us. It was mainly because I nagged and organised him. We joked if I was the wife another more flirty member of staff was his work mistress. I know he couldn't stand her. So I wouldn't read much into the work wife comment.

Bath salts is a rubbish gift. A stocking filler fair enough but not a main gift.

WatieKatie · 19/12/2021 11:06

May I just add that I love Neal’s Yard bath salts.

TheHungriestMama · 19/12/2021 11:37

Would never ever introduce myself as a 'work wife' to a colleagues actual wife. It feels disrespectful to me and a bit like staking claims.

I like to think she wouldn't be out to get involved with a married man, and don't want to fall into the trap of demonising a young single woman, ultimately the fault lies with him for putting effort into his present for her and not for you.

OP, i feel your pain, it's not about how expensive or fancy the present is it's the thought and care he's put into it and how much he knows you. Fair enough if everyone always gets a shit gift, not great but can be worked on but if work wife gets thought then it's not that is it.

It's probably time to have a serious chat, post Christmas (wait and see what actually happens present wise).

Sonaftersonafterson · 19/12/2021 11:38

If it was just the bath salts and everything else was fine, I'd say don't worry men can be notoriously shit at present buying.

But it's not that is it?

Have a very frank, blunt chat with him. You're clearly insecure and I think with good reason. This work wife... he bought her a gift!? What the fuck. You need to explore this, alarm bells would be ringing loudly for me

Sorry op Sad

BobbieT1999 · 19/12/2021 11:56

My old boss used to call me his work wife. There was never anything between us

But you don't introduce yourself as that to the actual wife!! At best, it's disrespectful, at worst it's telling them something is going on.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/12/2021 12:35

@Darningfever

My old boss used to call me his work wife. There was never anything between us. It was mainly because I nagged and organised him. We joked if I was the wife another more flirty member of staff was his work mistress. I know he couldn't stand her. So I wouldn't read much into the work wife comment.

Bath salts is a rubbish gift. A stocking filler fair enough but not a main gift.

I think it's unlikely someone would use the expression if they were actually having an affair.
Peakedtoosoon · 19/12/2021 12:38

I think it's unlikely someone would use the expression if they were actually having an affair.

I don't, I think it's quite common for APs to take an opportunity to sow a seed/ some insecurity in the spouse's mind

JustLikeaJingleBell · 19/12/2021 12:44

Baths Salts Hmm

My DH would be getting an egg shaped bump on his head with that.

Joking aside I'd be very disappointed and have lots of jokey conversations about how buying bathroom stuff is such a cop out present only meant for people you don't know very well work secret santas and that if DH ever bought you bathroom smellies it'd be an instant divorce Ha Ha.

Then act accordingly to that.

girlmom21 · 19/12/2021 12:53

I'd suggest the end was nigh long before the bath salts, if that's what's made you realise.

I don't think a half decent relationship would end over a shitty Christmas present but it sounds like you don't really think he cares anymore.

dumplings1 · 19/12/2021 12:58

The bath salts might be for his work wife as a secret Santa or maybe it is your present and get you something else, I don't think you can judge until Christmas Day but if that is your only gift I think you quite rightly should be upset.

92miles · 19/12/2021 15:25

Don't use them. They can muck up your ph balance and you'll be stuck with thrush!

Nanny0gg · 19/12/2021 16:26

@Joystir59

I bought two of my friends gorgeous bath salts with beautiful natural scents and containing magnesium for aches pains and to aid sleep. Both will love them. Not sure what the problem is tbh
Because that doesn't sound the same as the ones the OP is getting?