N/c For this as its outing, and long, sorry!
I've been with DH 14 years, and we have 2 DC. Very early on, we ended up living with his mum and stepdad for around 2 years to save for our own place. We paid rent, our food and I would clean and take turns to cook etc. We were very grateful for the offer to stay. We started saving, and kept saving Tins in our room.
One day, mil announced that her eldest son needed to borrow money and she was short, so she gave him everything I'd saved so far, over £1000. I was shocked, but she was doing us a favour so I let it go, and I was to be paid back.
Saved again - Dhs father passed away, (divorced lived alone) and money was needed for the funeral. Again, mine was taken. I would have contributed but they had enough, they just didn't want to use their own.
I then saved in secret so it couldn't happen again, and as soon as we had the deposit we moved into a rented flat. When we told mil, she was obviously angry. Didn't understand how we'd managed as "we had nothing saved". We explained it was always the plan, thanked her for having us etc, bought flowers and gifts to say thank you.
In the time we lived there, several things happened which strained the relationship. Mil and her Dh are both serious alcoholics. House would often be smashed up, I was threatened by stepdad for intervening when he tried to assault mil. He was arrested during our engagement party for drunken assault. I was branded selfish for being late to mils birthday weekend as I was burying my beloved grandmother. There are so many more things.
I fell pregnant 18 months after we moved out, and when Dd was born, we lived in the flat for 4 months which was a 5 min walk from mil. She visited twice in that time. She was disappointed we had a girl.
We moved half an hour away back toward my family as I needed support. Dd was in nicu when she was born and wasn't a well baby. From then, I was the devil. I took her son away (half a bloody hour), i didn't let her see my little one (I NEVER stopped them).
Fast forward to now - we have two DC. They see them maybe twice a year. We have always said they are welcome to visit whenever they like. I have never once stopped contact.
I have recently been told by a trusted source, that mil has been telling mutual friends that she and I "don't get on at all", and she isn't allowed to see the children because of me. I've also learned that there has been several cases of drunken violence on both sides that are getting more and more severe. I've always been pleasant, even after all she's done to me, and after hearing she's slagging me off to everyone who will listen - I am done.
I will not let my Dh take my DC to their house again - it's the perfect excuse for them to drink around them, and they are not safe with them. They've never been left alone with them due to being alcoholics. They will be welcome to visit our home, but will have to drive so cannot drink.
I also feel I might be done, and want no relationship going forward.
If my Dh wishes to continue to see them, that's his choice. He can go there, but not with my DC. They are welcome to visit the children here, but I will be going elsewhere.
AIBU? What else can I do going forward? I suffer severe mental illness and this is making me ill. Thank you in advance and sorry it's so long.