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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

10 replies

fedupneighbour · 18/12/2021 23:05

Hi
Thanks for reading.
Guess I'm fed up with my relationship.
He's very poor. It affects what we can do.
I met him.after I'd come out of a divorce and I've paid for eighty percent of our costs together.
He smokes medicinally but it gets on my nerves. He also a lot of nights has a few beers and I gave all that stuff up So it's something else we don't have in common.
We get along half the time but the other half his friends are there which I resent, watching horse racing or chatting. It's a small house and I'm not really social.
We have two dogs together. One was his when I met him and is old. The other we got a couple of years ago. She was living with me at my flat but has somehow ended up with him in the house and the other dog. When there's other people and the two dogs there's no room and I can't be bothered with it. So I feel there's no quality weekend and I just retreat by myself.
This sounds and maybe awful but a lot of the time I wish we weren't together. I'm happy by myself generally. I can't leave him though I don't think. The dogs need walking and his health isn't great so I have to do at least one a day. His disability has been stopped years ago now. He can't or won't follow their procedures to appeal so he's stuck and so am I, paying for him as well as me. I resent the lack of prospects/future/quality of life. I don't want to watch racing with people smoking and playing sport. It's not my idea of a good time.
I love the dogs but I resent them too. I wouldn't go round half as much were it not for them. We can't even cuddle without them barkibg and demanding attention.
Perhaps this is blunt but it's how I feel.
I'm not sure what I want in responses I feel ATM I have very limited choices here :(
It sounds awful but at least when we only have one dog life will be easier as I'll be able to have her at the flat (I think she wanted to live there to be with other dog) and I can only have one dog in my flat.

OP posts:
Veryverysadandold · 18/12/2021 23:37

Leave him, don't feel responsible for his life. He's not your child he's a grown adult and you need to protect yourself.

HollowTalk · 18/12/2021 23:45

Oh God, leave him ASAP. This is not the man for you.

Queeen · 18/12/2021 23:47

Leave him. And the dog. Live your life, not burdened by all of that.

Pinkbonbon · 18/12/2021 23:55

Eh...just leave...

He smokes and drinks even though he has no money except yours. Why are you funding this machines shitty life?

Just go. If you can't take the dogs then take them to a shelter.

You only get one life, stop wasting it.

Pinkbonbon · 18/12/2021 23:56

*machild not machine

2catsandhappy · 19/12/2021 10:21

Pack your bag and go.
I guarantee he will find a way to fund his lifestyle.
You are paying him to sit around etc. You will be doing him a favour in the long run.

Momijin · 19/12/2021 10:24

It's not that he doesn't have money, it is that he uses it for smoking and drinking and gambling! What's the point of being with him? If the dog is happier at his, leave her and if not take her with you.

fedupneighbour · 19/12/2021 11:05

I'm getting the overwhelming sentiment is to leave! Thanks all posters. I probably will. Didn't mention he has a daughter. So will try and get through Xmas (they don't live together).
He pays for his own smokes and beer and tbh. He gets less than £300 a month to live on.
I just wish they'd reinstate his disability payment as he is officially disabled, brain damage and degenerative bodily condition.
Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and reply. Hope you have a good Christmas.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 19/12/2021 14:12

Why are you wasting your precious life on a loser?

End things NOW.

Shadowside · 19/12/2021 18:17

Please leave! There's no quality to this relationship and you deserve better. Also the dogs would be happier rehomed if you can't have them. It's not your job to fund him and his lifestyle. Good luck!

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