Hiya. This is my first time posting so apologies I don't know what all the acronyms are that i keep seeing.
I am really unsure what to do with my relationship. Here's the background. It's really long, I'm sorry. I got together with my other half when he was still married and I was in a long term unhappy relationship. I was desperate for an out and my partner was it, and I was his. We've been together now 7 years and bought our first home in 2015. My partner has had issues with anxiety and depression since the breakdown of his marriage and to be honest the seven years have been a mix of happy and really rough. He has cheated twice, of what I believed was just suggestive and flirtatious messages. Once in 2016, I found out in 2017. Again in 2020, four months after the birth of our first child and whilst I was really suffering from post natal depression. I've had to suffer through him losing two jobs because of his mental health struggles and always being off work, a suicide attempt, and massive financial issues which has resulted in him going on a debt plan a few years back and me finally having to go on one this year to cope. And then there's his family and his meddling mother in law. Don't even get me started. We were meant to be getting married in April 2020, but I had to cancel it two months beforehand (pre covid) because I had found out in the January he had cheated again. It was the worst thing I have ever done.
But I was so clouded by post natal depression and depended so much on my other half I couldn't leave. I couldn't do it. I needed him and couldn't be a parent without him. And then we got stuck in lockdown and things just slowly worked out.
I'm now pregnant again and due in 7 weeks, and our relationship has been getting better, parenting a very difficult toddler. But stew has his struggles, and I forced him to go speak to the mental health nurse because it's gotten worse over the last few months. The mental health nurse suggested he has something called 'emotional dysregulation' which explains a lot, when you read up on it.
When stew read it, he realised his issues probably go back further than me, and his ex wife. (No doubt his shitty mother and upbringing had something to do with it) and he is so worried about bringing a daughter into the world who learns about respecting women from a man who hasn't been able to. So he decided two days ago would be the perfect time to tell me he has actually been lying to me (and everyone) for five years, and did actually have sex with my brothers girlfriend (now ex but still in our lives as my nieces mum) all that time ago, which I believed was just messaging. We have gone through couples counselling twice, he has seen countless therapists, and he has never ever told anyone this.
I am just gobsmacked. All that hurt I thought I had buried is just back to rear it's ugly head. The sex is bad enough. Truly, I had enough hurt in my last relationship I swore I would never deal with that again (I know pot kettle black about how I got together with my partner but I believed we were meant to be) but it's the lies. It's the fact he has been at his lowest and has wasted countless hours of professionals time and hasn't said the truth!! Not even to his best friend. And certainly not to me.
And now I just feel completely lost. Week before Christmas, my toddler is just 2 years 2 months, and I am having another baby in 7 weeks. I am so fraught, I am taking anti depressants, I have a debt plan and no money to my name. I am a mortgage advisor just about to start maternity leave, and earn too much to qualify for any kind of benefit (32000) but I literally have no spare money because of so much debt. I own my own house with my partner. Neither of us have anywhere to go.
I feel like, am I destined just to have to forgive again and stick it out? For the sake of new baby? Cause god knows I barely cope with one never mind a second.
What are my options? What could I do? I'm just so tired of constantly making excuses for my partner as genuinely he is so lovely and kind. But I really feel like I've had enough. I'm so done with all the lies and being walked over. But I'm so scared. I've never felt more alone.
This has been really long, sorry. If anyone actually gets to this point and then decides to spend time replying, I really do appreciate it. Xxx