Should we try again?

[Shallysally]

So, I ended a 5 year relationship about 5 weeks ago. Since then, I’ve been, rightly so I know, fairly miserable. Not sobbing into my pillow, but I miss him so much.

I ended things due to difference in sex drives. Other then this, the relationship was pretty good. I trust him 1000%, he is kind, gets on with my DD, affectionate with me. We share interests, we just feel like we are each other’s person.

He popped round a couple of days ago with some bits that I have left at his. He looked awful, lost weight, sad. I would have expected him to pick up by now.
We got chatting, he asked me how I am, I admitted to being pretty crappy.

He has asked me to give things another go. We talked a lot, he initiated a conversation about his drive, states he will go to the GP as a starting point.

I honestly don’t know, I feel like I’ve done the hardest part of this split, and I’m cautious to go back. But, I know that I still love him.

I made a list of pros and cons after we spilt, and I told him about this at the time. One of the cons really upset him and I feel like this is him proving that I am important to him.

I made it very clear that I do not want him to do anything he does not want to do, and that if we are to talk further about trying again, it can’t be centred around that, as that is pressure on us both which I don’t want for him.
I appreciate any opinions please 😊

no, the problem is still going to be there, u will still be incompatible so whats the point

It mainly sounds positive to me and if you trust him 1000% that's huge. I'm splitting with my partner because I don't trust him (lies regularly) and your post looks very optimistic, as long as he means what he says about getting help.... I'd say go for it It sounds worth it OP. All the best

You can't and shouldn't try to resurrect the dead.

Nothing has changed, he's just made promises of change. Anybody can do that, it doesn't mean anything.

@Ripley1977

It mainly sounds positive to me and if you trust him 1000% that's huge. I'm splitting with my partner because I don't trust him (lies regularly) and your post looks very optimistic, as long as he means what he says about getting help.... I'd say go for it It sounds worth it OP. All the best

"Your situation sounds comparatively less crap than my situation" is not really grounds to restart a failed relationship.

If he meant what he said he'd have already done what he said - because he would have been doing it for his own benefit rather than as a way to try and get you back.

Promises of change motivated by restarting a relationship never work. If anybody is going to change it has to be because they want to for their own self, not as a means to keep hold of another person.

And anyway, "I could book a GP appointment" (not even "I have booked an appointment" !) followed by you telling him "no, not if it's for me" leaves you precisely where you started.

Helllllll no.

You finally made the move and decided to stop flogging a dead horse, wtf would you go back?

Breakups are sad. But they are part of life.

Sadly you do probably need to give each other some space and time to see if actually you are better off apart.
It's natural short term to miss the good parts of each other and your relationship- that doesn't you should get back together

Thanks all. Yes I agree, he needs to make the change for himself, not because he thinks it will make me want to go back to him.

It would be so easy to say ok let’s try again, but I have to say, my brain is resetting already. A relationship shouldn’t be based on what the other partner brings to make the person happy.

If he was really serious he would have booked an appointment ready. He would have done that before it caused your split.

If he's happy with no sex drive, there are women put there who also have a low or no sex drive. If he's unhappy with it, then he should get it checked.

No. Mismatched sex drives only every get worse in my experience and you can’t change someone in that department. If you think it is bad now, wait until you have kids. You have done though the hard bit. Move on and find someone you are more compatible with. Everyone misses someone during the first few months but it fades over time.

@Momijin, you are right. We had talked many times about it. In the end, it wasn’t about his low drive, it was his lack of concern about it. Obviously the wanting to investigate had to come from him, for him. But it is very difficult to be focussed on that sometimes.

@Gloriagayn, well I am past having children, but thank you
I think the difference this time around is that I still cared about him, and loved him, when I ended things. Very different to when I ended a 19 year marriage some years ago.

I’m happy I’m my own, definitely don’t need to have a man in my life. But yes, I do miss him an awful lot.