Getting close to not coping?

[Carolofthebells2]

What do you do when your marriage has broken down, you’re literally not talking at all, it’s Christmas, you’re both at home 24/7. When everything your dh does (and he’s said it out loud) is to annoy you. When your child woke up with Covid symptoms today but won’t/can’t take a pcr test (sen) so xmas day is also going to be just us as the 10 days starts today. When you drink every evening just to feel distanced from it all. When your dh is playing perfect dad with one child, but sniping at the other (the ill one). When, if it weren’t for the children, you’d be out of the door in a flash.

I’m having counselling, I’m on anti depressants and beta blockers. I’m trying to find a way to separate but the next few weeks nothing is going to happen. Even without xmas, it’s a painfully slow process as communication between us is non existent. But the children are excited about Christmas.

I’m doing all of the essentials (feeding everyone, washing clothes, getting up in the morning) but I have such a massive block on doing even the little non essential things and it’s all building up. I missed the car’s mot due date and now can’t drive it till wed, which was the earliest I could book it in. I need to renew breakdown cover, I’ve a ‘to do’ list as one as your arm and bills to pay that I just can’t get my head in the right space to address it all.

I’m worried something will break in me over the xmas holidays and I’ll just drive off into the sunset to live in a bed sit all by myself for the rest of my life.

I might not reply straight away/at all as I realise that this low mood is an evening thing, and tomorrow I’ll get up and carry on again. But I will read everything. Thank you.

Sending solidarity OP. I'm in a very similar place. Just fighting my way through severe anxiety for the past 3 weeks or so which I think is me reaching breaking point too.

I don't feel comfortable in my own home nor in my own skin.

You are doing brilliantly to still be getting through the days and doing the practical things. Give yourself credit for that. You're doing better than me on that right now so I take my hat off to you.

I hope you can get through the next couple of weeks and brighter days come for you in 2022.

No answers op but just to say you're not alone and I can relate to a lot of what you have written. I think there's a technique called grey rocking. I've never read about it but I've sort of distanced myself from the whole thing whilst focusing on my dc and the things that make me happy.

All I can say re. Christmas is that I plan to take each day as it comes with little interludes of popping out for shopping (grocery - essential) or running small erands. Just getting out of the house if only for an hour - either with dc or ideally alone can really help. Alternatively if you could ask your husband to take your dc to the park, post cards etc. The weather is rubbish but a lot of children jump at the chance of a bit of outdoor space to run off steam (age dependent of course). Also, just give yourself one thing to do (the most urgent) each day and anything else is a bonus. A bit cliche but I have a gratitude journal and I find that really helps - small things it doesn't have to be big things - like your favourite food or drink. I've bought a large jigsaw from a charity shop and intend to squirrel myself away from time to time as a distraction.

Christmas is usually a bad time of the year for me anyway for many reasons but I'm jollying along for the dc. I tend to become easily overwhelmed so I'm pacing myself. Have you treated yourself to some things for Christmas? I have my own presents to open this year with a few pamper me things and a good book. I'm learning to try and treat myself well.

Hope someone can come along soon and offer some more advice.

I know exactly what you're going through. My DH suffering from mental health problems - depression & anxiety - he takes it out on me and I don't know how to cope with it anymore. The thought, like you say, of us all being at home together for the next 2 weeks and trying to make it a nice time for the kids is so hard. Like others have said I try my best to not let how he is get to me (so hard though) and to have nice times with the kids - taking them for a walk, making hot chocolate & watching a movie. It is hard though and I feel for what you're going through.

It is for your children that you should be planning your exit from this sham of a relationship, let alone marriage. No one benefits from remaining in a broken down marriage least of all them. Stop doing stuff also for your husband like his laundry.

Have you as yet sought legal advice?.

Keep breathing. One tiny step/job at a time. This is a nightmare but you'll come through.

chimchimernee

Abusive men can cite depression and or anxiety as an excuse or justification for their abuse towards others. If he’s taking it out on you I dare say he is abusive towards you rather than depressed. He has a problem with anger, your anger, when you rightly call him out on his unreasonable behaviour. What’s he like also with outsiders, all sweetness and light I presume.

Would urge you to make 2022 potentially a lot happier for you and your kids by getting legal advice in respect of divorcing him.