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Relationships

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Original poster

Personal spending

24 replies

Ohwhocares22 · 18/12/2021 07:09

DH and I have 2 young DC. We have a reasonable income but nursery fees are expensive so not a lot spare. Lots of birthdays between September and December so it is tight either Christmas too. I can't remember the last time I spent money on myself. We have a large appliance in need of replacement. DH got a Christmas gift card from his employer. 200 pounds which is a big amount for us. He could choose where for and chose a large electrical goods retailer so he could buy himself something which he will use around once a week. No discussion, he just informed me after. I wouldn't dream of spending that amount on myself and my first thought would have been to use it for the family. He thinks that it was his gift card and I'm unreasonable to expect him to use it for the family. What do you all think?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 18/12/2021 07:12

Is it something you can use? Does seem a bit selfish of him

Original poster

Ohwhocares22 · 18/12/2021 07:13

It really isn't something that I can use

OP posts:

SantaMonicaPier · 18/12/2021 07:14

YANBU. DH and I split all income and I share all bonuses with him 50/50

lisaandalan · 18/12/2021 07:21

Selfish because you need an electrical appliance, he should have thought of the family. X

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/12/2021 07:29

I'm torn tbh. That's HIS Xmas bonus. But if you're really struggling, then he should have bought whatever had the highest resale value, flogged it and put the money in the food fund.

Darkpheonix · 18/12/2021 07:33

Since there's an Asian economy you need for the house and money is tight, then I think it should have gone on that.

But this is all about how you view money.

Dp and I dont share finances. So out Christmas bonus would be our own. But I also know that if we needed (nor want but actually needed) something for the house, both of us would priorise that.

TokyoSushi · 18/12/2021 07:36

How much is the appliance? In our house we would have done something like put £150 towards the appliance and buy something for yourself for £50. If anybody gets anything extra in our house, we split it, but slightly in favour of the person who got the thing!

Darkpheonix · 18/12/2021 07:37

Where the fuck did 'Asian economy' come from? That should be 'an appliance that you need'

My auto correct is ridiculous 🤦‍♀️

FabulousMrFifty · 18/12/2021 07:40

@TokyoSushi

This ^^, if his work bonus, he should be able to spend some of on himself, but needs to be balanced against family needs

Terribleluck · 18/12/2021 07:49

I'm torn... I've always had joint salaries BUT the gift cards have always been carte blanche for whoever gets them. Last year I received a £500 Christmas bonus and I wanted to keep it. Usually my husband puts his in the pot too, but he buys his kids and my Christmas present with it.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 18/12/2021 07:58

@Darkpheonix

Where the fuck did 'Asian economy' come from? That should be 'an appliance that you need'

My auto correct is ridiculous 🤦‍♀️

I was puzzling for ages about what you could possibly mean by Asian economy!

Re:- the actual question - it depends how you treat money - we have always had a “completely joint” approach so I would be really annoyed in this circumstance.

layladomino · 18/12/2021 17:54

I would see a gift card as a Christmas gift, and therefore his to spend.

That said, in our house I think we'd both have said 'but we need a xx so I'll use it for that'.

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/12/2021 18:09

@TokyoSushi

Something like this, as money is tight.

Anyway he can take it back? In which case I would try and calmly make that argument -

CurryandSnuggle · 18/12/2021 21:58

In my marriage, a gift card is mine to spend (same if DH got one), but bonuses and income get put into household pot.

I think maybe you guys need to budget together to make Christmas and birthdays now manageable while allowing yourself equal personal spend each month, that would reduce any possible resentments especially when you haven’t had any personal spend of your own in a long time.

CurryandSnuggle · 18/12/2021 21:59

*more manageable

Kbyodjs · 18/12/2021 22:00

DH and I have a similar argument about his Christmas bonus but he does use some of it for things we need and to buy me and the kids something

Mummadeze · 18/12/2021 22:17

I personally think he should be able to spend his Christmas present from work on whatever he wants.

Ilikepalindromes · 19/12/2021 00:33

He should be able to spend his gift card on something for him. I don't think that's unreasonable.

Armychefbethebest · 19/12/2021 00:44

My partner got a £100 gift card from work we go halves on bills , Christmases birthdays ect and I made sure he treated himself out of his bonus to some new clothes . Its not as if he has spent it out of your usual budget I'd not get too worked up about this

AdaColeman · 19/12/2021 01:01

He should have put the family needs as his priority, not his own pleasure.
Also the fact that he made the decision without any consultation with you, shows how little he values you.
You’re not really working together as a team, he’s in a selfish “me first” mode.

Viviennemary · 19/12/2021 01:04

It was his gift. But he could have still shared it even say £50 for you.

Aprilx · 19/12/2021 06:56

@Darkpheonix

Where the fuck did 'Asian economy' come from? That should be 'an appliance that you need'

My auto correct is ridiculous 🤦‍♀️

I was about to start googling Asian economy or check the urban dictionary. I thought I had missed something. 😂

GoodnightGrandma · 19/12/2021 06:59

Yes it’s his, but you would hope he’d do the right thing and replace the appliance. But going by my DH I wouldn’t hold your breath.

filka · 19/12/2021 07:30

I would see a gift card as a Christmas gift, and therefore his to spend.

But a gift card from your employer is not personal, it's a bonus and should be split according to how the family normally splits salary & bonuses.

Definitely a bit selfish to blow it all on a personal item when there are household things in urgent need of replacement. Shows something about personal priorities.

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