Am I Selfish or is my partner Unreasonable?

[Smithy92]

I recently bought myself a face covering big enough to fit my beard as I commute to London so must wear for the train. My partner receives them through work.
The issue is, my partner called me selfish for not buying her a mask when I bought my own. I didn't think this was selfish as she has free ones from work, doesn't commute so doesn't need them as much, works all day with no access to her phone (and I was time limited, so bought before for myself without questioning her), and didn't buy her one off my own accord as I've been called a "f***g idiot" when doing that previously.

My question, is it selfish to do that, or is it unreasonable to expect me to reciprocate everything I buy for her, and for her expecting me to buy one anyway despite previous bad examples?

Your partner doesn’t sound much like a partner at all. Childish.

I can't imagine a world where I had to consult my husband before every personal purchase.

We'd both weary quickly.

Is her beard more luxuriant than yours?

You buy what you need, she buys what she needs. Not worth worrying about unless there are other issues!!

Is your partner gets masks for free then she sounds a bit selfish, tbh, but would assume hers are one use and yours reusable.
Would also assume your partner doesn’t have a beard

I would like to agree with other pps but is there some context here where she feels she does a lot of the “wifework” such as shopping and planning usually, and is essentially complaining that you didn’t consider her in a way that she perhaps considers you in other ways?

I would not assume my partner needed a mask when I bought one for me so I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

Thanks for all points, fortunately for me her beard is much less luxurious than mine.
@proudthrilledhappy she definitely does a lot of "wifework" but I do the food shopping etc so her masks only come in handy when we go out together really.

Her argument is, I could have waited til she was home from work, and bought one then when I could have asked if she wanted one too. Or took some initiative and bought one anyway. My argument is, it's a mask, I'm fed up with using a one use one that doesn't fit properly so I didn't wait yes, but it's a face mask (I didn't think it would matter). Secondly as proved before, taking initiative ends in insults for me. Im glad it's not just me that thinks it's unreasonable.

Your partner is BU. What a fuss over something as insignificant as buying a face mask! I might sometimes pick up something for my DH if I am getting myself similar, but I certainly don’t do it routinely and more often than not it wouldn’t occur to me.

@Aprilx what's BU sorry? Yeah agreed, I've previously questioned whether I'm being gaslit and honestly I think it's just a continuation of occurances. Clearly it's something along those lines as I keep seeking clarification I'm not being bang out of order

It's the sort of thing that shouldn't be an issue, and definitely shouldn't be turned into an argument. It's brought me to the realisation that being unreasonable / unable to understand another's view is such a destructive trait.

Currently going through some issues with my dh so I'm not best qualified to say anything, but he always bought me things when he when he bought himself things. If he bought himself new gloves he'd buy me new gloves ect. I also did the same back even down to toothbrushes! So I'm with your dp on this one although I wouldn't have called you selfish ect or made a big deal about it - but inside I would have felt a bit miffed.

I don't think buying a mask for yourself is selfish.

Does she do this kind of thing often?
If you don't offer then she is mad you didn't. If you do offer or get her something, she doesn't like it.

I think most people wouldn't even give it a thought.
It's a mask, an essential.
I couldn't even be bothered to discuss it with a partner.

You're on here every week posting about your horrible partner. Why? do you show her the threads so you can say I told you so, or do you want to leave?

I don't think this issue is that bad. However, i have become frustrated in relationships where I have always sorted out me and ky partner and they have sorted themselves out. For example, when I went to the shop I'd always buy snacks for both of us or make us both a cup of tea whereas he'd just do it for himself. Does that sound like you? If so she is perhaps frustrated with the pattern of behaviour rather than this specific incident.

It seems your partner has form for being an arsehole. Why put up with this?

Being unreasonable is I assume what BU stands for? I'm new here.

Do you have to buy her deodorant or pants when you buy your own?

She’s being unreasonable.

BU = being unreasonable

Your partner shouldn't be insulting you like that, especially when you've done something thoughtful like buy her a mask? And now she's complaining you didn't do it again? From the small amount of context here she doesn't sound very nice.

Thanks all I appreciate it again. It all makes sense.

@Sparklfairy no no, I don't show her. But I recently went through a period of mental health issues so I'm more seeking clarification if I'm being unreasonable because of that or if it's the other way round.

@KylieKoKo unfortunately the other way round. I'm the one always bringing snacks home, or buying little bits like car fresheners etc. She doesn't buy much for herself, but more than makes up for that in household stuff (which is one sided her way definitely). But that's never been an issue and when it has been has been dealt with.
It's more of an underlying thing that when I express the bottom line with her (she's unreasonable and doesn't accept what I say, and justifies her points with assumptions) that it doesn't ever help and doesn't give me any confidence in the relationship.

I think I'm basically running out of fight, and it's now happening too often that things aren't being owned up to / accepted from anyone elses point of view.