Hurtful comments

[YellowLolly1]

Been together 8 years, 2 children together. Earlier on, dp showed me a photo of myself that came up on his Facebook memories. The photo was taken a few months into the relationship. Since then, I have put weight on, but not an enormous amount. Anyway, these are the comments that followed.
“How much money would you pay to look like that again”
“If you get back to that size we’ll have a big beautiful wedding” (we’re not even engaged)
Then a few other things that I can’t really remember. Gosh these sound even worse written down. Of course I know this is wrong but he has said that it doesn’t matter to him what I look like, he’ll always love me. I didn’t really say much back, I didn’t know what to say. But I’ve just been in the bath and cried. He always manages to get into my head that he’s innocent and doesn’t mean to upset me and that I take things the wrong way and then I end up believing him. Our children are sleeping over at their nana’s tonight and I feel as if he has ruined our child free night

I hope you managed to enjoy your night doing things you wanted to do.

“If you get back to that size we’ll have a big beautiful wedding”

"Fuck off you patronising oaf, I can do way better than you at any weight."

He's deliberately hurting your feelings OP, & is then skilled in manipulating your feelings so that you can't quite put into words how wrong & nasty he is being ...

Do you want to stick around for more?
I can guarantee he won't change.

@Pileonsally

Let's not sink to small penis remarks. Horrible sexist nasty.

You need to tell him how hurt you. Awful remarks from him. You have had 2 kids!!

FFS

He KNOWS how much he hurt her.
It's the only reason he did it.

Telling him she's hurt will just give him satisfaction, & further ammunition to twist the verbal knife again.

If you get back to that size we’ll have a big beautiful wedding.

This is low for so many reasons that I don't even know where to start.

“If you get back to that size we’ll have a big beautiful wedding”

I hate this sentence so much. What makes him think if he snaps his fingers you’ll go running down the aisle with him? Tell him if he went back to being a decent human being, instead of the rude, hurtful presumptuous arsehole he has turned into maybe YOU would consider marrying him, but until then you will keep your options open thanks.

How much would I pay?...whatever a legal separation costs these days...!
We'll have a big beautiful wedding...oh, no, I will dear, you won't 😘

Thanks everyone. It’s made me feel so shitty that he thinks that by ‘bribing’ me into a wedding that’ll make me lose weight. He must really want me to lose weight!

@thistimelastweek

He was deliberately cruel. Nasty and cruel. He will deny that was his intention but that was the fact. He was cruel.

Doesn't really matter why. Bottom line is , do you want to spend/waste the rest of your life with a man who is capable of cruelty?

This.

@ChargingBuck you’re so right. Deep down I know he’s in the wrong and what he’s said is disgusting but when he asks me why I’m upset I can’t really explain why. He always manages to twist it and ends up making me feel like I’ve taken it the wrong way

You're upset because he's making it sound like loving you is conditional on your losing weight! How incredibly hurtful. And don't tell me he didn't know you'd be hurt. He's trying to make you ashamed of your wonderful body that produced his children - ffs how dare he? Don't be ashamed. Don't be upset. If you choose to lose weight at some future date then do it for yourself and your health not for that total twat who has no idea whatsoever about real love.

Ask him to find photos of himself from eight years ago. Has he gained weight or lost hair, is his complexion still the same? If he is shallow enough to think that looks are the be all and end all, tell him it's only fair for you to do comparison too.

Show him this thread!!