Life after divorce

[Sweetie1980]

I am just going through a very hard divorce, we are still in the same house and it's horrendous, i can apply for absolute but we need to sort out finances. He is threatening to take me to court for 50/50 and has a history of abuse. I am so sad, will life be better not seeing my kids everyday ?i am scared he will get abusive over Christmas. Please share your stories of hope!

It is hard. I still shudder when i hear, 'do you have your kids...???' i refuse to be sad about supposed 'missed' birthdays etc. We simply move them to a different day. It will be easier when you get him out of the house.

Life was much, much better after my ex moved out. You get used to not having your children with you every day - you learn to make the most of time without them to work, socialise and do all the things that are easier without them in tow. Then when they're with you, you do the things you enjoy together. Can you get away at Christmas? Go visit someone, with or without the kids?

That sounds tough. I have done everything for them since they were born, he never had a sleepless night. Now he has loads of time and has stopped working..

I thought I'd never survive after my horrific, drawn out divorce, that whole world had been turned upside down, that I'd lost "everything". I couldn't belive it when people said time will help and I'd eventually feel indifferent.

Well, it took a bit of time but boom. Yup. Indifferent. Happy! Happier even! Still difficult sometimes coparenting but on the whole life is great. I use my "child free" time positively and met someone really lovely too (another thing I said I could never see happening).

You WILL get there x

Cally that is great and good to hear. It would be nice to meet someone but I am so scared as I have been put off, I feel all men will be abusive like my ex, it's taken me years to file for divorce and I pulled out last year when he demanded 50/50 shared care, I can't leave kids with him half the time

Often, 50/50 is threatened...mine did too, but in reality it works for very few fathers. I was dragged through the child courts for no reason other than a stress taxtic to gain a better financial settlement for him.

Stay strong, this is the ugly, messy bit, your better life awaits.

Thank you Cally, God knows how Christmas day will go. Did the judge refuse 50:50?

No all hot air from ex. But unnerving at the time.

However main thing right now is to avoid any abuse. Anyway you can split Christmas this year? So much harder as you are in the house. Let him do Xmas day in house and you take the kids to see family new year or boxing day?

Do you mind me asking what arrangement you settled on? It would be hard for the kids if I wasn't around I'm as day 😥

Going through a divorce too. Had the worst year of my life and was pregnant and gave birth during all of this. Now need to brace myself with shared care of a chiller under 1. The thought of my baby not being with me makes me feel paralysed especially since I know it's coming and I can't avoid it. No idea what kind of arrangement to have/what a judge would allow. Also sad how I will have to coparent for the rest of my life. Ex will always be in my life, I will always have to communicate with him, compromise, argue etc. Also still in my 20's so never imagined I would be in this situation...then again, who does?

Have had a horrible time. I feel like I lost out on my child's precious early month and newborn stage because I was so emotionally disturbed and basically functioning on auto pilot. Also
did all the care, 100% of it. Life is just not fair.

Hoping time will heal. No idea where life is going right now or how I will heal from all this trauma but hoping I will.

Sending love.

At sweetpop I feel for you so much. I don't think a judge would allow shared care with a child of that age, it's not in the child's best interest. Have you had some advice from a lawyer ?

@Sweetie1980 no haven't had any advice from a lawyer. Really don't want to go down the legal route as don't have extra money to waste on it.

[quote sweetpopcorn86]**@Sweetie1980 no haven't had any advice from a lawyer. Really don't want to go down the legal route as don't have extra money to waste on it.
[/quote]
Competent legal advice is not a waste of money! It's essential if children and/or assets are involved.

@Sweetie1980 - what do you mean Now he has loads of time and has stopped working? Are you saying he gave up employment to get 50:50 care of your children? If so, you definitely need to engage a family solicitor.

He is self employed and seems to have dramatically reduced his hours..

Settled on a classic 4 out of 14 days. Every other weekend and once on the alternating week. Perfect. I was heartbroken at the start and sometimes still hard if days don't fall right but gives you a much needed breather.

I like we have a child arrangements order so no faffing with days or split of holidays as all set in stone.

This would be my perfect arrangement too as less disruption for kids and hopefully less time so ex wouldn't get stressed and take it out on them...

My ex swore he wanted 50:50. That lasted precisely one weekend.

A few dirty nappies plus the need to be totally committed to school run and he changed his mind. When he realised he couldn't go to the pub with the boys on Friday evening or play tennis on Saturday morning.

Ex now sees ds for 7 hours on a Sunday, and does about 20 nights a year. His choice.

Its interesting as this seems to happen a lot. How much does it cost is if he takes me to court ?

Hi my husband has just asked me for a divorce too so I have no advice just thought I'd say your not alone. He only told me last night and im ashamed to say I begged and said I'd do whatever he wants. He said im frigid, miserable and lazy. We have two boys 7 and 15. The thought of not seeing them open there presents every Christmas is over whelming right now. Hugs to you. Maybe we could all help each other through it xxxx