Since moving in together earlier this year our sex life has tanked. It's all because of my lack of wanting it; he is just the same in bed as usual (he is always very good, very considerate, just I'm really not up for it anymore).
I'm trying to identify what is not getting me excited about him anymore. I still like physical affection with him although it's only on the non-sexual side (so mouth kisses etc leave me cold - I don't feel anything anymore, but cuddles are nice).
I've read that going off a partner sexually can be due to deeper emotional problems in a relationship. I had a huge challenge with him about sharing the housework lately in a way we both felt was fair. Currently he does the vast majority of the food shopping and cooking and I do everything else. I do feel resentful towards him that he hasn't tried a second time to pass his driving test so I end up doing it all when we do use a car (luckily we live near a big city so public transport is good: he uses this as the reason for not trying again when really he's just lazy). I plan nearly all our days out, dates, restaurant meals etc. If left to his own choice, he would spend 15 hours a day at his computer and go to bed at 3am regularly. I earn more than him, and work much harder in my job.
He snores relentlessly with this constant swallowing sounds that make me cringe so we mostly sleep apart now. He's seen a doctor about this but I know the referral process etc will be slow.
I suspect he may be on the spectrum slightly. When we go out and talk to new people, he is incredibly quiet and formal, especially in places he hasn't been before. I can see other people be taken aback by how stern he appears (he's not like this at with me or his friends!). He will scratch at the back of his phone when we are watching a film together (it's like a tic and drives me mad). He panics with change and gets argumentative if something is outside of his familiar experience.
I'm scared I've lost respect for him. I don't see as admirable as I did before we lived together. He uses his parents as examples for many things, he really has them up on a pedestal. They're lovely people but I just have been feeling lately like I want someone with more life experience, and my partner seems very young and naive to me at times.
We've had serious talks recently, and while I said I adore how gentle and physically loving he is with me, I just don't feel like he's meeting me halfway on an emotional level, and because he says he doesn't "feel" emotions ofc he has no idea what I'm on about here.
I also said to him that living with him on a practical level is harder than when I previously lived alone. I feel irritated a lot more often, I'm more tired from lack of sleep, and I feel like the housework is more of a burden as I'm cleaning up after him as well as me.
The flip side of all this is that I know I have control issues. Very few of my family members, close or extended, live with partners - they've all been in dysfunctional relationships themselves so I don't really have any good role models. And I'm scared of being lonely...I haven't historically coped well with being single: I've always found myself in relationships very quickly (I used to think it was because I'm pretty gregarious socially but now thinking I settle too fast).
Thanks for letting me vent if you read this far. I really don't know what next steps to take.