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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sexual Assault

15 replies

Aldina · 19/12/2007 13:10

It pains me to type this but I need to discuss this with someone.

About 10 years ago (before I met DH) I was assaulted. I don't want to go into details about what happened but what I want to know is how do I stop thinking about what happened?

For the best part of 10 years I have tried not to think about it and usually don't but whenever I am feeling a bit down the awful thoughts of what happened keep coming back.

The only person that knows about this is DH & I only told him last year. All he said was "well you should'nt of got so drunk then should you" . I was hoping he could be a bit more sympathetic, but no.

I don't want to go to the doctors about this so where do I go from here?

OP posts:
HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 19/12/2007 13:13

Sorry you are going through this Aldina

Have you thought of therapy? It really can help.

Original poster
Aldina · 19/12/2007 13:15

Where do I go for this? Like I said I don't want to go to the GP.

OP posts:
OhComeLetUsADiorHim · 19/12/2007 13:20

Your dh said that to you?

There are lots of private counsellors in the phone book. They are fairly expensive but would probably be able to help.

HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 19/12/2007 13:21

It does depend - of money isn't an issue you can go privately. If is is than your GP can refer you I think.

Your GP will honestly keep everything you say in the strictest confidence.

WanderingHolly · 19/12/2007 13:24

Why don't you want to go to your gp? Is there a nurse at the practice you could talk to? Your gp could refer you to a cousellor.

Really sorry this happened to you. You could google for therapists in your local area, then phone a few for a preliminary chat. Some may have experience working with people who've been sexually assaulted.

I think it's important to find the right cousellor.

I think it's worth pointing out to your dh that if he has ever been very drunk he might also have been assaulted. Would that make it his fault?

JingEllBells · 19/12/2007 13:24

Aldina. I'm sorry your dh was so unsympathetic. What happened to you was not your fault.

I am no expert, but I think that in order to control thoughts of this and stop them plaguing you when you are down you probably need to be supported to go back over what happened and to (somehow) come to terms with it.

I hope you get some help with this.

SantasGotABigFatEllieG · 19/12/2007 13:29

Hello - sorry to gatcrash but have you tried calling Victim Support Service? They deal with historic events very often too and are very good at it (at least the ones I know are)

Original poster
Aldina · 19/12/2007 13:33

Thankyou all very much. I don't want to go to my GP because I know several staff that work there. I will have to go private & find the money from somewhere.

I could contact victim support I suppose, I just thought because it was 10 years ago when it happened they may not take it too seriously.

OP posts:
WanderingHolly · 19/12/2007 13:39

Can you change gp's?

Elizabetth · 19/12/2007 13:41

You could call Rape Crisis in your area. They are used to women calling up about things that have happened maybe years ago. It sometimes takes that long to be able to deal with it.

SantasGotABigFatEllieG · 19/12/2007 13:45

No they deal with a lot of things that happened a long time ago - I was speaking to someone from there not so long ago and she says they speak to people who have been through things that happened years before, sometimes when they were children. Is not just about supporting the victim of a recent event, but anything. I hope you find some help, don't feel bad for not being able to cope all the time, human beings aren't designed to cope with everything. x

Original poster
Aldina · 19/12/2007 13:57

Thanks Elizabeth. My problem is I really dont like talking on the telephone, seriously I won't use the phone if I can help it. Do you know if I could email them?

Santa - thanks. I always think I am such a weak person for not coping, when I know others that have been in a worse situation & cope very well.

OP posts:
SantasGotABigFatEllieG · 19/12/2007 14:02

It's not about comparing yourself to others. And how do you know they are coping? Some people probably think you are coping fine from the outside too. Everyone needs a hand sometimes - there's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't make you weak, it just means you are human and normal like everyone else x

Alambil · 19/12/2007 20:47

here is a free-to-join online support group - not professionals, just other people.

The GP will NOT have the same reaction as your DH.

It sounds to me as though you may have post traumatic stress (flashbacks, thoughts, nightmares, stress levels increased etc) and need help to deal with that; perhaps you could see the GP without naming the reason behind the PTSD.

here is another online support forum; I have used this - it is very good.

McGill · 19/12/2007 21:49

Hi there - I am not sure where you live, but I work in Glasgow and there is a large sexual helath/family planning center that has large resources such as counsellors available for people who have suffered like yourself, even years ago and it is free - you simply drop in - there is likely to be something similar in your area - hope you get some help x

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