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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he reading too much into it?

22 replies

Jj2431 · 16/12/2021 16:31

I've previously posted under a different user name but this was some months ago now. I'll try to explain as briefly as possible.

My eldest child attends an out of school club, not sport related but arts related, it is a group club with around 6 other kids
it's all online atm because of covid. He's been attending for a good while now. He has a tutor who is male and the same age as me (mid 30s), He's always been a good tutor and seems like a nice guy. My husband has suspicions months back about said tutors intentions towards ME. I've spoken to the guy through email mostly but have had a phone conversation with him and have seen him in person just a couple of times at events for the club and a drop off and pick up when it was in person once. Husbands reasons were the fact there was 50+ emails between tutor and I but all were about sons art exam for advice and support. I started some, tutor started most. He used phrases such as 'Lovely to hear from you as always', put 'name!' When I wrote, which my husband thought was a bit over the top. I think my husband was over the top as the man just seems like a good guy and we can't know what he's like with the other parents. Anyway, couple weeks back tutor cancels session for personal reasons. I reply and say no worries, take care. Forward to today, tutor sends me random email starting with the phrase 'I just felt like checking in' , tells me a family member was unwell and thanks me for being understanding before, he talks about my child and how he's looking forward to the next session online (I'm not on these sessions) and then ends with the words 'With Warmth as always'. Husband is now convinced it's all wrong and thinks something is off. I still say no because he's just nice anyway and maybe addresses everyone the same way. Hubby says his sign offs are getting more friendly. Help a girl out because he's actually getting a bit annoyed with it and it's not needed when our child enjoys it and I don't want there to be awkwardness when the next event happens. He could be married with kids himself for all I know!

OP posts:

92miles · 16/12/2021 16:37

Is the tutor attractive?

Original poster

Jj2431 · 16/12/2021 16:38

What does that matter?

He's not overly attractive or ugly. Just average to be honest.

OP posts:

Calamitydrayne · 16/12/2021 16:39

I would say he's straying a little from keeping the language formal and professional. I could understand your DH finding it a bit icky. Sorry.

Calamitydrayne · 16/12/2021 16:41

@Jj2431

What does that matter?

He's not overly attractive or ugly. Just average to be honest.

Defensive? Much?

92miles · 16/12/2021 16:42

It doesn't matter at all, I was just curious.

OP, from what you describe, it sounds like the tutor is a very nice person. My ex husband use to receive emails written in a similar way from a husband and wife team who shared the same email, e.g. 'thinking of you' as a sign-off. Red flag if came from a woman, but not from a man. Some people are just nice.

Original poster

Jj2431 · 16/12/2021 16:48

I'm not trying to be defensive, I was hoping for perspective to show husband this thread and didn't know what his level of attractiveness would mean in terms of this situation is all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jj2431 · 16/12/2021 16:49

Thank you for your replies

OP posts:

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 16/12/2021 16:51

Maybe he is to deal with a load of batshit dps and is grateful you aren't one of them!! Maybe your dh is just a bit jealous.

Anothernick · 16/12/2021 16:52

"Lovely to hear from you as always"?!?! In what is basically a business email about your child? And he contacted you unnecessarily because he "felt like checking in"?

Completely inappropriate and your DH is right to be suspicious.

92miles · 16/12/2021 16:54

Oh. If you were planning on showing DH this thread, I can understand your reaction to the question about tutor's attractiveness.

Sally872 · 16/12/2021 16:54

Have you wrote about this before? Not that it matters just a shame to hear this is still an issue.

50 emails feels a lot for any tutor. Don't think anything untoward but would dial back contact as dh not comfortable and

Sally872 · 16/12/2021 16:56

Sorry just realised you have stated you posted about this before. Didn't it transpire the contact was more than the normal level? And advice to stop as frequent contact?

Original poster

Jj2431 · 16/12/2021 16:58

Yes Sally and it did die down after the exam, definitely from me and even from him, there was still a few emails to say he's proud of my child for what they've achieved and how I'm doing a good job with my child, always friendly and kind of similar to what I posted but this is the first time he's said he's basically checking in with no reason behind it when next session is only a few days away and first time 'with warmth as always' has been said.

OP posts:

Sally872 · 16/12/2021 17:00

Sounds like you may be starting to think it's a little ott too?

Icecreaminwinter · 16/12/2021 17:02

It does sound a bit much and I wouldn’t like it if I was on the receiving end of those emails.

Original poster

Jj2431 · 16/12/2021 17:05

I'm not a confident person so my instinct will always be to assume it isn't anything. I also don't know what he's like with other parents or his personal life etc so I can't personally assume. He seems nice to I assume that's all it is but I did chuckle when I opened the email and thought 'are we friends now then' but brushed it off

OP posts:

Sally872 · 16/12/2021 17:09

There is a possibility he is over friendly or just someone who is a bit over familiar in email. Either way I would limit contact as you shouldn't have to feel awkward and nor should dh. If you really want to be blunt then ask him to include dh in emails too.

Palmfrond · 16/12/2021 17:11

@Calamitydrayne

I would say he's straying a little from keeping the language formal and professional. I could understand your DH finding it a bit icky. Sorry.

Agree. If I were your husband I’d ask if I could be in charge of correspondence with the tutor from now on, if it bothered me. No need to explain, he can just answer the tutor’s next email, and sign off using his name. That should cool any ardour he might feel quicksmart

MarshmallowSwede · 16/12/2021 17:11

He sounds like a nice and friendly man. He is open and communicative and as he works with your child, seems to just be a nice person.

English isn’t my first language, so perhaps I’m missing something. I don’t detect anything in his greetings or sign off that would lead me to believe anything is untoward.

Is there something inherently flirtatious in saying it is lovely to hear from a person? I might not get this nuance but I wouldn’t personally take it as anything other than a friendly person.

Original poster

Jj2431 · 16/12/2021 17:50

@MarshmallowSwede that was my thoughts but I'm useless anyway at this stuff🤣

OP posts:

LightSpeeds · 16/12/2021 17:58

Do you pay for this club or is it free?

Original poster

Jj2431 · 16/12/2021 18:00

It's free

OP posts:

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