Digs from family about being single

[DivanInspiration]

I’m the only sibling and only cousin in close family who hasn’t settled down/got married/had kids. I’m 30. There’s been the occasional joke but it seems to be happening more and more, particularly from DSises. I don’t want DC so I’ve never felt an urge to get married or buy a house with someone and just sort of sat back to see if something happens.

I don’t see it as a failure but they clearly do and it does bother me that they keep mentioning it. One DSis has imo a manchild
boyfriend and she does all the cooking, cleaning and looking after their DD as well as working full time. I am not jealous of this at all (though her DD is gorgeous) but she seems to think I am and goes on about me finding someone to settle down with.

I wonder if it’s partly with small children, most people you hang out with also have small children so I am the only odd one out? It makes me not want to see them over Christmas to be honest. Has anyone had this? What did you do? Do you just ignore it?

Bumping

'You must be joking, I'm having far too much fun'

“I can’t hear my biological clock ticking over the sound of your child screaming”

They are probably a bit jealous and want to see you balled and chained, like them 😉
If its bothering you, then you need to have a strong word and tell them to stop.

I wouldn't rush to see them if they are this bad to be honest.
This is why lots of people settle, end up with the wrong person and have a child when they really, really shouldn't.
You could try "When on earth would I want to end up with someone like (insert name of manchild partner)?"

I get this all the time, to the point where I dread seeing certain friends or family members!!!! Won’t give into their pressure though. One of the worst culprits kept going back to an abusive relationship for 30 years and the other is so ridiculously naive, lives in a cheesy American film in her head and settled for her only boyfriend since her teens. I just take no notice of their pressure!!!

Sorry this is happening OP. Single people especially single women are seen as fair game for comments criticism and jokes even from people that are supposed to care for us.

What would happen if you calmly called them out?

Respond with things like:

• that’s a very personal comment
• did you mean to sound so critical
• do you assume everyone wants the same things.

It’s possible they don’t realise and need their behaviour pointed out to them.

If that doesn’t change things I’d give as good as I got. If they can offer criticisms of you, you can of them. So, you are entitled to point out your sisters partner is an entitled man child and ask whether it bothers her.

Lots of people want their choices validated by others around them doing the same.

It sounds like you know what suits you, so you do you.

If things don’t change after you challenge them yes I’d distance myself and see them less.

Now way do you rush just to suit them. I have a 30 year old DD and I tell her every time one of her friends puts pressure on her, do not rush into anything. You have until you are late 40's to decide if you do or do not want children. Do not marry someone/shack up with someone until you are really sure.

Do no let them put pressure on you. "Gee-whiz guys, I think I am happy not to be changing nappies for a few years yet!! Got a few trips up my sleeve I would love to do before I settle down"

I do have DC, but have been single for most of the last 12 years since their dad left
(had a 2.5 years relationship which didn't work out)

The comments are relentless. My mum and SIL, who seem to think its the bloody 50s are the worst. I can't mention a male friend without a "oooo. Simon ay? Who's that then?

If we are away, or out somewhere and a man walks past I get "quick Ciao, he's walking past again. Obviously can't stay away. Smile. Say hi to him".
Fucking hell. I'm an overweight 37 year old mum of 2. I doubt he's walking past so he can check me out ffs.
But I've found the more I deny anything the worse it is.

That’s so cruel. My son is the same age and single. He owns his own home, has a great job and lots of friends. For me that is brilliant. I would ever even think about pushing him on his relationship status.
Sod them OP.

At your age I was desperately unhappily going out with loads of men to try and find the one. If I could go back in time I'd slap myself! Sounds like you know the score re manchildren! I love some of the one line responses. Memorise them and be armed!!!

The first few replies are hilarious and i would definitely use them lol

I think they are a bit envious/jealous of your freedom. I had a friend that was like that, she would make sideways remarks about me being single and i she actually later admitted that she was a bit envious of my status, especially as she had young children.

Sometimes those in misery want company lol

@Onlinedilema

I wouldn't rush to see them if they are this bad to be honest. This is why lots of people settle, end up with the wrong person and have a child when they really, really shouldn't. You could try "When on earth would I want to end up with someone like (insert name of manchild partner)?"

This.

Step back.

Answer back when you hear these comments.

Saying you don't want to end up as skivvy to a manchild might shut her up.

Start giving digs (as a joke) back at them if you have to see them over Xmas.
"To busy enjoying the single life to get tied down with kids"
"would rather be out on days out and holidays in my free time than staying in cooking and cleaning up have children /partner"

Ask them about what they do in their free time and any holidays booked and when they tell you they have to go on holiday in the summer holidays or days out only on weekends because of the children, just say you couldn't imagine anything worse than going on holiday to some family holiday resort in the middle of August with loads of screaming kids around or a day out to a family attraction packed out with family's. You have no restrictions tying you down in when and where you can go currently unlike your siblings with kids.

I’d start with a cheery “life would be dull if we all followed the same path” and similar.

If they didn’t give it a rest I’d say “I don’t judge your choices, please stop judging mine”. Maybe add “ but I can if you would like me to and it sounds like you think it’s ok to comment on other peoples life situations”
And then if they don’t stop feel free to judge away.

Just tell them how great and enmpowering it feels knowing that you don't want children. It takes all the pressure off you to find the 'right' man in the next few years and you can truly enjoy your carefree single life for as long as you want it to last.

If you do ever settle down with someone you can do so in full confidence that your motives and prioties are about nothing more than wanting that relationship to change your life for good. You will never have to compromise your standards or lower your expectations for the sake of your ticking biological clock. That must feel fantastic. It's freedom and power.

"Why would you say something so judgemental/inappropriate/mean/out of order/condescending?"

"Why do you think it's appropriate to ask about/comment on something so personal?"

Followed by a stern look and complete silence. Rinse and repeat.

Firing back with insults or sarcastic answers might feel good in the moment, but they enjoy getting you riled up and it's just going to incentivise them to keep doing it.

You need to challenge them assertively and maturely. Just call them out for being out of order and make them explain why they think it is appropriate to pass judgement on your choices and circumstances. That will shut them up much more quickly.

If you have Netflix watch this www.netflix.com/gb/title/81083590?s=a&trkid=13747225&t=cp&vlang=en&clip=81393563. It's gently funny and may give you some comebacks

I used to say "I'm in a celibate lesbian relationship with my cat"

I still sometimes (from men) get "don't you have a bf/dh?" and I invariably respond "WTF would I want one of those for?!"

Dude I'm nearly 50, my son is mid 20s, I really am not looking for a sperm donor 😂

Honestly they are jealous.

I would revel in it and definitely look over at their other half and pointed say 'I can't see myself wanting to settle for just anything any time soon...'

(But I'm a bit sassy like that )

All my friends and most of my family are in relationships and they wouldn't dream of trying to put pressure on me, instead they love hearing my funny stories about the different guys I date and what amazing holidays I (used to) go on

Projection. Big time.

”I can’t hear my biological clock ticking over the sound of your child screaming”

Love this!

@CiaoForDiNiaoSaur that’s awful I cannot believe they try and match you with men in the street! Makes my situation seem not so bad.

"I know. The endless sex with hot men is really getting me down"

Accompanied with a sigh

'No way on this earth would I want to be cleaning up after a man. My life is exactly as I want it. I just get to enjoy the fun, dating stuff without all the daily grind'.

These are brilliant thank you so much!