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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DS hit me in the face I got so angry

24 replies

mailpal · 15/12/2021 22:13

My boy is 3 years and usually becomes aggressive and frustrated when hungry or tired, we were out and I was taking him for food I stopped to listen to him on his level and he full on walloped me across the face.

I was so taken back and took a breath, I felt so so angry so I picked him up and put him over my shoulder and said "how dare you hit me like that, right straight home"

He started crying/tantrum/yelling and said "don't be cross"

I feel so much guilt and sadness as I feel I lost my cool with him, I did and it wasn't cool of me.

I never ever hit him so I don't know why all of a sudden he seems aggressive.. he was over tired and hungry so I guess that's why..

I need to manage how I respond in those moments..

He tests my patience so much :/

OP posts:
SandrasAnnoyingFriend · 15/12/2021 22:15

It sounds like you handled it perfectly to me.
They struggle to moderate their impulses at that age but you demonstrated how inappropriate it was and the consequences without retaliating.
Give yourself a break, they're little buggers at that age.

MrsGarethSouthgate · 15/12/2021 22:15

You have lost me - why do you feel guilty? He hit you and you dealt with it robustly. As you should.

Thesearmsofmine · 15/12/2021 22:16

It is absolutely normal to have a strong reaction to being hit in the face. I am generally a fairly gentle parent but sometimes they do need to know that something isn’t acceptable behaviour and from your reaction he now knows that.

gamerchick · 15/12/2021 22:17

Eh, you handled it perfectly !

3 yr olds are Attila the huns. All of them. Would rather have a room full of newborns me

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 15/12/2021 22:18

You didn't hit him back or anything you did nothing wrong. I would have been bloody fuming.
There is no excuse for hitting someone like that and the sooner he learns that lesson the better.

LizzieSiddal · 15/12/2021 22:18

I don’t think you did over react, he needs to know he can’t hit you and by taking him home, he has now learnt that.
I always carried around something- banana/oat cakes etc for my Dds to eat if out and about so they dont become Hangry.

Cheerbear24 · 15/12/2021 22:19

It sounds like a completely appropriate reaction to me. He hit you, so he went home.

OnAWinterMorningFarAway · 15/12/2021 22:19

I think it helps to spot the triggers early and evade them. So he's hungry and tired and 3 years old. I know you say you were taking him for food, (and ended up picking him up to carry him home). Maybe it could be better to give him something to eat at home in the first place?

I'm aware I don't have the full context here.

Embracelife · 15/12/2021 22:23

He was tired and hungry.

Original poster
mailpal · 15/12/2021 22:24

Thanks all - I was in a rush coming from picking him up and taking him somewhere, I'm usually organised when it comes to food/naps, but the day turned into slight chaos..

I suppose the guilt comes from the way I picked him up and really firmly put him over my shoulder..

I'm not used to be too firm with him I suppose.. but I need to be as he is a real strong character, physics as well as mentally..

He kept crying in the car on the way back, I had to open the window and breathe - I didn't even want to talk to him for a while, that's where the guilt comes in.. as that's unlike me.. I try parent respectfully/gently but some days I'm spent and it all gets the better of me especially when you're getting a whack round the face.. :/

I need more childcare I think..

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/12/2021 22:27

No, you need to forgive yourself OP. Everything you've said is normal. It won't scar him for life or anything and it doesn't do them any harm to be firm sometimes

KilmordenCastle · 15/12/2021 22:29

Yeah a smack in the face warrants a strong and immediate reaction. He needs to know that that is very far from OK.

Embracelife · 15/12/2021 22:41

Picking him up was fine
You didn't hit him back
he was hungry and tired
Pick him up take home feed and bed

SpeedReader · 15/12/2021 22:43

You sound way too self-critical. You rightly set a clear boundary that being punched in the face is not ok. From what you've said you didn't call him a name, scream or punch him back. I'm sure it was jolting for him - but sometimes kids (and adults!) need that sort of lesson!

LowlandLucky · 15/12/2021 22:43

Mailpal You needed to be firm with him, this was not the time for a cuddle. Children need to know when they have crossed the line. This behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud.

ElleGettingBetter · 15/12/2021 22:45

You did a good job.

3 year olds are another level! It won’t always be this hard.

spinachpie · 15/12/2021 22:45

Don't feel bad, you've helped him to learn the easy way that hitting people isn't OK. You've dealt with it well. Imagine if he'd hit a bigger kid who hit him back!

Embracelife · 15/12/2021 22:53

But also take snacks rice cakes etc
To avoid
Hangry

Justkeepleft · 15/12/2021 23:05

It is ok. No need to be guilty. How we want to parent and how our kids need to be parented at any given time are not always the same.

TheyWentToSeaInASieve · 15/12/2021 23:08

If more people did what you did, we'd have many more well-behaved children.

alexdgr8 · 15/12/2021 23:16

you did ok.
he got over tired, hangry, lacks self-control or self awareness. he's 3.
in future keep a small packet of plain oatcakes, no added sugar, in your pocket, in the car, his pocket, back-pack etc. and some water.
also useful for you to nibble when necessary.
all the best.

HairyFeline · 15/12/2021 23:21

Ah, OP, bless you. I totally understand how you feel. I’m just about where you are right now. My 6 year old autistic daughter just squared up to me tonight after being told ‘no snacks this close to bedtime’ and I had to put her straight immediately. It’s so hard as she hates knowing she’s done wrong, but at the same time I know if I don’t let her know that some behaviour is just NO! she’ll put it in her ‘acceptable’ list. Awful mum guilt, but I know she’ll think twice next time and I’ll be able to give her my eyebrows look next time and diffuse it without any of the tears.
Tomorrow is a new day, I tell myself; tonight she was over tired and crabby, she knows I love her and would never hurt her and that she’s not ‘bad’…she’s human, as am I.

You’ve done nothing wrong…. You’ve parented well in a tricky situation. Hugs.

RantyAunty · 16/12/2021 00:11

You handled it well.
Outbursts and aggression means the fun time is ended.

And yes, keep packets of dry cereal or something in your bag/car for when you're out.

Embracelife · 16/12/2021 17:34

@HairyFeline

Ah, OP, bless you. I totally understand how you feel. I’m just about where you are right now. My 6 year old autistic daughter just squared up to me tonight after being told ‘no snacks this close to bedtime’ and I had to put her straight immediately. It’s so hard as she hates knowing she’s done wrong, but at the same time I know if I don’t let her know that some behaviour is just NO! she’ll put it in her ‘acceptable’ list. Awful mum guilt, but I know she’ll think twice next time and I’ll be able to give her my eyebrows look next time and diffuse it without any of the tears. Tomorrow is a new day, I tell myself; tonight she was over tired and crabby, she knows I love her and would never hurt her and that she’s not ‘bad’…she’s human, as am I.

You’ve done nothing wrong…. You’ve parented well in a tricky situation. Hugs.

Why can't she have a snack before bed? My d c all need snacks before bed! Eg cereal or banana or toast
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