This has made me feel weird. Would you be annoyed?

[Renttret]

DP of 7 months hasn’t mentioned me to colleagues. As in, when he’s been out for meals one to one with a colleague, or when he’s been at a team dinner or lunch, I’ve never come up in conversation.

We spend 4 nights a week together and I find it really odd that I would basically be a secret. We are late 30s and had considered us to be pretty serious, as in we’d talked about a future.

This came up because he was joking that someone from work asked if he was gay as he’s never mentioned any women. I get you wouldn’t announce a relationship to colleagues but these are people he also socialises with and he knows all about their lives as he tells me!

Yeah the "he recently moved and wants to tell his friends in person" is really familiar.

Worst case scenario - he's married

Best case scenario - he's had a shitty upbringing where he was ridiculed for showing any sort of emotion and is deeply repressed as a result and nowhere near ready to be in a relationship.

My ex of two years apparently (I found out later) never told his colleagues about me. In his case, this WAS a bad sign - he turned out to be a narcissist who considered himself superior to me in every regard.

There COULD be innocent reasons for it tho - I wouldn’t waste time being hugely annoyed about it. It doesn’t really harm you after all. I would store it in the memory bank tho, to co sister alongside other aspects of his behaviour….,

@saleorbouy

Women love to jangle to other women about their lives and woes. Men are generally much more private and talk more about sport. I worked in a male dominated environment and knew very little about other colleagues private lives, as blokes we're not interested really.

🦕

As an aside, in my experience, men also love to 'jangle' on about themselves and their personal lives. And most are perfectly capable of having a reciprocal conversation. Because they're, you know, people.

Some people are just private. So what he doesn’t talk about you at work. He is at work to do his job not talk about his partner.

I feel like Social media has taken away everyone’s sense of privacy and boundaries. No one has to share anything about their private life with anyone. People have become so accustomed to sharing everything online and there is this extreme need to share every detail of oneself. This translates to people feeling the need to share everything in real life.

I’m a private person and understand not talking about private life with everyone. I am married and I don’t talk about my husband with colleagues and I would say most except for a close few even know I’m married. I love my husband but I don’t feel the need to share anything about him or my family life with the people I work with.

You’re making an issue out of nothing. If you think it’s important that he talks about you and your shared private like at work then say something. But most people don’t care about the other person’s girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/wife/husband. We just want to do our job in peace.

@valadon68 in the male dominated environments I know all about my colleagues, their ttc efforts, house buying, presents for girlfriend, weekends away with girlfriend, wife issues, wedding anniversary plans, how the wife’s pregnancy is going and scan appointments, how the wife is looking forward to grandchildren, how baby number 3 was a surprise, the kids surfing lessons, the Sunday roast he cooks, hotels they like, name ideas for baby….in my experience over the past almost 20 years most men from approx 22 to 60 chat and share all kinds of things just like normal people.

Well to be honest my partner of just under 2 years has a work colleague that they talk to, even of a weekend, discuss plans at the weekend, what they've been up to ect but I'm never part of the picture, I do find it a little frustrating at times especially given their past but as they say, it is what it is and the partner doesn't want to lose that work banter!
Don't sweat the small stuff!