No help or intimacy from dp…help

[Givingup0888]

I’ve been with dp 4 years we have 1 dc together (13months) and I have dc’s from a previous relationship (15 &12)
When I found out I was pg he was ok with it but expressed he never saw children in his future so was up and down with his moods. By the time I was in the 3rd trimester he was wonderful and looking forward to being a dad.
When our ds was born he took to fatherhood well although maintained he could not do night feeds. This led to me being exhausted and overwhelmed with no rest.
By the time ds was 4/5 months old he told me that, because he works nights he couldn’t get sleep so he would sleep in his parents spare room whilst on shift. I agreed as he needed sleep.
He then started working a night overtime every week. Shortly after this changed to 2 nights overtime. This in turn meant that he only saw me and ds 2 days out of 8.
For the last few months he has also decided that because he is so used to sleeping in the quiet on his own he now cannot sleep in the same bed as me at all. So he sees me and ds 2 days out of 8 a week during the day.
By 7pm he has left to go home and leave me to ds on my own.
Since ds was born we have had sex 5 times. The last time was 3 months ago.
Im also working full time so I am in essence a single full time working mum to 3 children.
Today I have had enough. I mentioned about us spending time together and suggested maybe booking a trip away just for us and the baby while my dc’s are at their dads.
His reply well we can’t book that far in advance. After a moment of confusion I realised it was his way of saying I don’t know if we’ll still be together in a years time or in x amount of months time.
This seriously annoyed me so I asked him what the hell was going on? Are these living arrangements long term then? His reply well I can’t sleep round here and I need sleep.
I asked him if he is happy then to never have sex again? Because we can’t have sex when he is staying at his parents full time. No response
He maintains he doesn’t want to lose me but I’m afraid I can’t live like this for however long. Could be months, could be years
I have now told him that if he wants this life then he will have to start having ds overnight as I have no time for myself. I can’t even go and get a haircut because it will mean having to take ds with me which is not going to work
There is no OW involved
I’m just lost
Any advice would be great

At the moment you're letting him call the shots, which will be causing anxiety as you are getting fobbed off and lied to constantly. That's very stressful and exhausting. You might feel better if you take things in hand yourself. His claims of love are irrelevant if you don't want to be with him.

Your relationship is over.

He is a loser and you need to go through CMS to get a proper payment.

He should no longer see his son at your home.

You need to harden your heart.

He is a loser who has a complete fool made of you.

You deserve better.

there a many ways to avoid an unwanted and pregnancy
Yes. He is using the most foolproof one.

I’m on the depo. No chance of an unwanted pregnancy anyway. Quite frankly given how shit of a father he has been I wouldn’t want to procreate with him again, you need support after the birth of a baby not a runaway

Blimey. Apply for CM, officially, and change the locks. He’s basically dumped you but has occasional changes of heart.

It sounds like he has ended your relationship and hasn’t had the balls to communicate this with you. The ‘no sleep’ issue aside, he’s not invested any time or effort into your relationship. If he really wanted to, he would..the same goes for how much interest he shows his child.

£50 when he's supposedly working so much is bullshit.

Be the one to make the break @Givingup0888 . You'll feel better than your current state of waiting around for him to officially dump you.

He messages you through the night? Saying what? Doesn't that wake you when you occasionally get to sleep?

He messages until I go to sleep about 11. If he’s on shift I will sometimes drop him a text when ds wakes me up.
Ds has been restless tonight, he’s got a bit of a cold so I’m only just going to bed myself. So if I was talking to him (which atm I’m not) he’d probably send the odd text until I said I’m going to try and get my head down.
If that was me I’d feel so guilty actually knowing my dp was up still with the baby but clearly he couldn’t care less could he.
I’ve been wasting my time waiting for this miraculous change to happen. It never was and it never will and that’s really quite sad for ds, at least my other dc’s had their dad as a permanent fixture for most of their younger years, ds wont ever remember mummy and daddy being together and that breaks my heart

Hmm.

During a period of casual sex I did find that there were men who were more comfortable messaging than actually meeting up - and some of them weren't married... it sounds like he does value the connection with you, but in a way that is little use to you.