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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Abusive ex....LIAR....AGAIN.

7 replies

Luvvlybubbly · 15/12/2021 18:53

Unsurprised but irrationally fuming! DD has let me know her father ( who she's chosen to go NC with) has used his socials to yet again portray himself as superdad, discussing his views on parents who abuse their children. Now of course we are all disgusted by such appaling treatment of children but by God the absute gall of the man!
The abuse my poor DD witnessed at the hands of her father which affect her to this day in many ways and he has the utter cheek to comment on others.
Now she and I are fully aware it's all pretence, and isn't the first time that he has portrayed himself as a saintly character. (Obviously he's not going to admit online or to anyone else that he's an abusive bully).
My DD has learnt to laugh at most of his toe curling cringy lies and nonsense but this has really hit a nerve for both of us. I normally remain indifferent as its a waste of time and energy to engage, and luckily my DD has refrained from responding online what she thinks.
I can only think that he must live with some semblance of fear that his friends, family and work colleagues will eventually find out the " real" him, as its abundantly clear that over time he's certainly never felt any accountability or guilt . They say the truth always comes out in the end?
Sadly I suspect I'm one of many women/ mothers who deal with this nauseating level of fakery from an abusive ex.

OP posts:
Gaslighttogo · 16/12/2021 09:00

Your ex sounds so similar to mine. I think they believe their own fictional character they create for themselves so that they don't have take accountability. Keep strong. Sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your DD. She's lucky to have you x

Luvvlybubbly · 16/12/2021 10:49

Thank you so much. Honestly as sad as I am that others experience the same it's actually a comfort in a way as it can make you feel occasionally like you are going nuts. My DD is wonderful and he's missing out on that, but then I don't think he ever really cared anyway.

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Gaslighttogo · 16/12/2021 11:41

Yes I agree it's good to know that your are not going mad. But that is part of the gas lighting. My ex H gas lights the children too. They are 18 and 17 now. Recently I have had a conversation with them about what gas lighting is. It was a light bulb moment for them, but it also gives them the tools to deal with it. You are not alone and I am sure there are many more of us out there xx

Gaslighttogo · 16/12/2021 11:42

My 2 children are delightful humans and I am the lucky one to be able to have an amazing relationship with them. He is definitely the one missing out x

RantyAunty · 16/12/2021 11:57

You all can block him on everything.
Then you won't see his lies and be upset about his usual bs.

Have a laugh, block all his sm, and enjoy getting ready for the holidays.

BlingLoving · 16/12/2021 12:17

I'm always surprised how common this is. But it sounds like you mostly have the right attitude and just occasionally it hits you harder. BIL did something similar recently where he was ranting about a news story on someone else's facebook post. What made me laugh and also die a little inside was that his post was so aggressive and inappropriate that Facebook blocked it as "potentially offensive". He 100% thinks that he is the good guy.

I'm sorry your DD has to see this stuff. Can she just block him?

Luvvlybubbly · 16/12/2021 13:54

I personally don't follow his accounts , none are private though, and occasionally my DD has a look, more for peace of mind I think as she still gets nervous that he may be visiting somewhere near her. Irrational of course but actually it makes her feel more in control. Luckily she doesn't look often. There's a temptation to respond online with the truth but that's a really grey area, and any attention is good attention in his warped mind I should imagine!

At least we can chuckle now and then at the cringeworthy suck up comments he makes to celebrities, honestly he makes it sound like he's bezzie mates with assorted C listers! Grin

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