My boyfriend split from his last relationship in December 2018. They'd shared 8 years together. During that 8 years he worked away alot! Then his work changed locally and she worked away alot. They didn't particularly do the whole meals together in the evenings and a routine together. They shared a few trips abroad and often went away with her family.
Everything about their relationship was drink related. Their holidays were about getting drunk in the group They were away with. Drinking wine with Sunday lunch. Drinking wine after work. Drinking magners on a hot day. They shared alot of this type of experience. The only thing was my boyfriend got to the point where drink became a huge problem. He couldn't stop. He was always unhappy and got depressed. His girlfriend was mid 30s. Busy with her career and no children. So when he started to struggle she started going towards her friends more and more. Holidays without him. Drinking and nights out. He sat at home falling apart and she did her own thing.
It got to the point where she was sick of his drink problem and depression. He felt alone. They began to doubt eachother. She started going through his phone. She would fake being asleep to spy on him. He said she had 3 phones in the end and was obsessed with social media. He said she would say how popular she was and yet he couldn't get a text back from her and would feel ignored. He said in one heated row he through her phone across the room. She apparently would question him on his Facebook friends.
They split. He had a rebound month with an old friend. His ex found out and started messaging this woman. He wanted them to work things out but she said no. She'd had enough. They remained living together for 8 months and then he moved out. He said they didn't speak and slept apart. Wouldn't even make the other a cuppa.
Only this is where it gets complicated. She helped him move out. After he moved out his grief kicked in. He had councilling. Got help and quit drinking. Throughout this his ex was going around to support him. Drink tea. Chat. They apparently agreed they couldn't get back together. They didn't want it. They had no desire to go back there.
A few months later I meet him. We hit it off straight away. We have alot in common. He told me he's still friends with his ex. I found it abit icky but I decided to trust it.
The thing is it's so so strange between them. He talks about her alot. Said she's like a little sister To him now and they just care about eachother. She stopped going to see him about a month after I came along. But throughout the last year she's been texting him. Sometimes he's complaining about how she was in the past or how she is. Other times he's telling me positive stories of her. Other times he's defensive if I say anything about them being too emotionally attached.
We had a big chat 2 months ago because she finally found out who I was and looked on my Facebook. At that point she started getting abit sour towards me. But also she started listing names of women she'd seen on his profile photo and questioning him on these people. I told him he needed to wake up and realise that she was struggling to see him moving on which indicates ages not over their relationship. He insisted she just cared and didn't want him hurt. During our chat he told me many reasons they were not right for eachother. He explained his massive part in the split. I sympathised that there must have been alot of emotions at the time. He said it was hard and he struggled massively at first.
But then he went on to say he would never ever go back there. He said we don't want the same things. She wants her friends and social media and I want my dogs and weekends walking etc. He told me he ruined her personality because he always puts women on pedestals and he spent thousands on her house. He said she was struggling to pay her mortgage when they met and he rescued her and he said in the end she was very much look at me and what I've got.
To get to the point of this long post. She said something rude about me recently. He blocked her and she went quiet for quite a few weeks. But she's made contact via text with him this month. I expressed my concerns which resulted in a big row and him saying it was really hurting him that I still didn't trust him. He said she's nothing more than a friend. He told his family I was getting at him about his ex and it was pushing him away. His cousin was nice to me and told me that he understood why I struggle with it but to perhaps try and not get frustrated about it as I can't expect him to never ever mention her.
I just feel so confused by the whole situation and why she's so important to him still. Would you be fine with this situation or would you expect the ex to be cut off to a large extent?