I feel TRAPPED in my life . Is it normal . Please help .

[Tigersparklespink]

I’ve spent my whole life worrying that I was behind everyone else . Suddenly aged 30 I met my husband . We got married , bought a house and now have a baby ( 4 months ).
I absolutely adore my baby .

I’m not keen on the area ( little town )where we moved to but we couldn’t afford to buy where I was really happy in the city .

My younger brother ( 12 years younger ) came to visit this past few days and I suddenly felt so old. I felt so trapped in my life . I suddenly realised I had everything I thought I needed ( house , baby , husband) but I’m very lonely and truth be told I feel unhappy . Suddenly, I felt trapped .

I cried and cried when my brother left on the train . I knew he would be off with total freedom and my god I envied him . I wished it was me - 19 years old , free as a bird . World at my feet heading off .

Or maybe I just wanted to get my baby and get on the train at 31 years old and start living a new life ?

Do I want to escape ? Or am I just not happy in this new town? Is this part of growing up into 30’s and it is a short term realisation I’m no longer free ?

His visit has left me questioning everything. I feel suddenly like I’m so lost , alone and living a life which isn’t mine .

Is it normal to feel this way at points in your 30s ? Trapped ? Old. I don’t think I felt this way before my brother came but maybe I did at times .
I know I dislike the area we live in - is it this making me feel like I’m in suburbia and trapped ??

I have struggled with my mental health in the past and have never had lots of friends . I left home at 18 for uni so am used to living away from family but have often felt lonely in the past .

I absolutely adore my baby and would not change him for the world ! I’m so confused .

I do love my husband a lot like every couple we argue but he is kind and loving .

Can’t say for sure if it’s normal for your thirties. But, in my experience, it certainly was when a baby arrives.

I think you are just feeling the pangs of loneliness new mothers feel often feel. It will pass as your baby reaches their first birthday. Try to take care of your own mind and cherish your own life as it is. You have a lot to be grateful for. ‘Do not distress yourself with dark imaginings’ as the saying goes.

I can empathise. I had a baby at 32 and felt i became old overnight. 51 now snd i have so much more freedom now, to work, to go out, to relax. Its a BIG transition and not easy.
I hope the freedom is split equally with your h and that not all of the freedom is his

I don't think it's right to look at yourself as a married woman in her thirties and your brother as a teenager and be unhappy because you don't lead similar lives. It's comparing apples and pears.

No, as a parent you won't be doing the same thing as a commitment free teenager. Just like you were at 19.

What is it that your brother does, that means you feel trapped? Is it that you don't have any time for yourself? This is nothing to do with what your teenage sibling is doing.

You need to address what it is that makes you unhappy. Because you won't suddenly feel free if your brother becomes a father.

What don't you like about where you live? What makes you feel trapped? What does your typical day look like, and what about that don't you like? What would make it better?

of course it's normal. Having a baby is a huge change in many levels, and she's still so little, it takes some time to learn how to navigate life with a child, so far you've only had to fend for your self now you are responsible for the survival of another human!
I felt exactly like you do when I had my baby. At 31,I had just moved to a little town with very limited opportunities or things to do and way too many teenage mums so it was double hard to socialise in baby groups, had no friends or family around (or anywhere close), a workaholic partner and no work to go back to.

From what you've written, it sounds like you've always been somebody that's unhappy with what they have. Until age 30 you had exactly the same freedom as your brother, but you weren't happy with that, because as you say you spent all your time worrying you were behind everybody else. Then you got everything you wanted, husband, house, baby and you don't want that situation either (I know you love and want your baby). You say you love your husband a lot so it doesn't sound like there's a problem there? I think you'd find if you did leave with your baby you wouldn't like that either, once again you would look back and feel that your previous life was better.

Although there's no doubt that you should try to change elements of your life that you don't like (where you live for example), it does seem that the main problem here is your dissatisfaction with any life situation you find yourself in. You seem to always think the grass is greener and not be able to find happiness in what you have. Which must be really hard for you because it's not nice to feel unhappy all the time. Maybe in conjunction with working out what you want from life, you could work on yourself too, - either with therapy or on your own with meditation/gratitude practises - to try to find the happiness in what you actually have, rather than thinking it's always round the corner, or that everyone else is happy and you have to copy their life situation to be the same.

@JovialNickname your reply is spot on and exactly what I felt in my heart . I believe I need to work on myself . I haven’t ever been happy. My child and husband are wonderful .
It is inside me that that lies an issue . I know I have always suffered with not belonging/ mental health etc . Thank you for your reply . It has given me solid advice which I can act on .

For me…
Totally relatable in my 30s
Totally relatable after my first baby

If it gives you any comfort then you might find this naturally settles down in time, 4 months post partum is not long at all. Hormones, sleep deprivation, changing body, overwhelming responsibilities etc. it’s A LOT to deal with.

If however you think it might be more than that then some time reflecting on what specifically you’d like to change would be helpful to start.

Just feel reassured that a lot of us feel like this after having a baby, it’s not unusual and I’m sure you’ll find a lot of support here

From your post it seems you met, married your husband and had a baby super quickly. You say you met him at 30 and you're now 31. That is a huge change in a small amount of time. I'm not surprised you're feeling quite panicked if you've gone from having this total freedom to this .
I don't know what to suggest, many posters will have better things to say. But

Small towns are depressing as fuck when you are from the city.

Society pushes us is one way and we can cave to the pressure - have a baby because that's what you do as a woman, buy a house so you will be safe in your old age, even if it means being miserable in your young age.

These are the usual milestones people will work with, but they dont suit everyone. So in reply to your question I would say, it is normal to feel trapped if your life has turned out to be mismatched with who you are.

Why not rent your house out and go back to the city?

I know I have always suffered with not belonging/ mental health etc . Thank you for your reply
Can you try to get to the bottom of this.
I was a bit like this - always ready to move on and believing things would be better then. It was partly my inability to make friends. Which I didn't resolve - although now people seem to want to hang out with me (at 65!) - oh well, better late than never. I should have stopped worrying about it - I can see, with hindsight, i should have got interests for myself which gave me pleasure, not worry about others or what they think.

I know this is an old thread but this is literally the exact way I'm feeling down to a T! I moved from London to now a lovely home in a village with the man of my dreams my near 1 year old son I have everything I ever dreamed of but now my freedom is gone. I used to jump on the train to here there and everywhere and now I'm stuck with no friends but a perfect family. Its a miss match mindset.