Thoughts please?

[Messy124]

I'm been with my partner for 16 years. 2 children.

Things were good up until 3 years ago - then it's been constant arguing and bickering over family issues which started to wear me down. I suffer with anxiety since being a child, and always being stuck in the middle of the issues between my partner and family added to my anxiety. I think some resentment kicked in.

I'm not a great communicator, and my partner is stubborn and is more confrontational.

I found myself beginning to disconnect and withdraw, losing the urge for affection and intimacy, and have fell into a depression & have no love for anything right now.

He has seem me struggling, but is just thinking it's my general anxiety, rather than any other issues. I've now told him I love him but aren't in love with him. It has caught him by suprise and I guess I should have talked more about my feelings beforehand and said how unhappy I was.

He's broken down and wants to try and rebuild the relationship, to try and get back to where we once were.

I feel very guilty seeing someone I love so broken, and he wants the chance to try and address the things we have since talked about.

Can that connection and love return? If so, how?

I think it can yeah, it seems like it's a build up of things outside your relationship that have made you feel that way. Maybe couples counselling would be a good place to start

Time will tell. Are you willing to try sort things out or are you done? Are you still sexually attracted to your partner?

Oh this sounds like my relationship except I’m in your husband’s position. I’m working on my issues and we keep talking but I’m not sure we’re getting anywhere. My parents were divorced and I really don’t want that for my children but some days it’s hard to see that’ll get better .

You need to be more specific with him about what the issues are and how he can try to resolve them. Counselling might help with this but just telling him you aren't in love with him without saying why is not going to improve things. From what you say it sounds as though you want to salvage the relationship so you need to set aside time to discuss everything and time to think about what you want to say and how he might react before you have the discussion.

@aryastarkwolf yes, we have never had any counselling before & I've felt unhappy in other aspects of my life too. I think counselling could help

@talktothehand123 I'm not sure. Now we have talked openly, I'm more inclined to try and sort things, rather than end things.

@Anothernick yes I agree. Communication and honesty is key. I think I'd like to try and least then we can say we tried to save the relationship.

It is often possible, it’s positive that you are both engaged, and your bad patch is relatively recent.

I think some couple counselling would be useful, it can help to have someone else with a clear perspective who can mediate, but also very importantly help you speak each other’s emotional language - communication is hard if you have different styles.

Also sounds like you might be depressed? That does not mean your marriage problems are your fault, but it might be worth checking that out separately, talk to your GP initially.

@luredbyapomegranate thanks for the response. I've been depressed and so struggle to think clearly. Recently began on medication and plan on getting some therapy to help me address some childhood issues