Staying for the Sake of the Kids

[Philly1234]

Just interested to know people’s experiences of staying together for the sake of the kids.

I’m fully aware of the cons of doing this but interested to explore the pros.

How did you make things work, keep your sanity, etc?

It wasn’t easy but I was clear in my mind why I was staying - to ensure the DCs’ private education was paid for by us both equally - and when I would call a halt. It was ‘only’ five really unhappy years, until youngest was 19. Then - freedom! I’d do the same again but he was away 4 nights out of 7; any longer/any more contact and I couldn’t have stuck with it.

@Badbaddog thank you. That’s helpful. Can I ask about practicalities- were you up front with the children; continued to share a bedroom; family holidays during that period? Any other tips re practicalities?

Not fully until the end; yes (but no sex); yes. He and I occasionally discussed our relationship quite openly and I think we both knew it was doomed, but hung on grimly to ‘finish what we started’. Neither of us are wankers, we were just never well suited and events drove us further apart.

What other practicalities were you thinking?

Like, the day to day stuff. Did you share a room, did you do family stuff together at weekends or alternate.. did you date other people?? That kind of thing.

We continuEd to share a bedroom for ages even after we divorced, weird I know, but obviously there was no sex. No dating until official separation, for me not until two years after separation, he moved on quicker I think. We continued doing family stuff at the weekend though to be honest I used to use work as an excuse so I’d kind of duck out of that. Our money was always separate and we continued to pay for the same things. New things that came along, eg driving lessons for the DC, I paid for (I didn’t want them begging him, he was v controlling of them about money).