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Original poster

Kids, dog, cat… Is he there guy for me??!

14 replies

AstroGirl5 · 14/12/2021 23:23

So I’ve met this guy online, after a year and a half being single. We are both in our early 40s. Both with two kids and full time jobs. Both divorced. But here’s the thing - even though I like the guy, I somehow have this weird feeling that it’s just not gonna work. Not with him, not with anyone else. I’ve got two kids, and a dog and a cat. Whoever I start dating - including him - always comment, oh wow your life isn’t easy, is it haha. No, it’s not. I work full time, take care of the kids and the pets, and no, I can’t just freely plan my weekends and holidays. And because of that I just no longer think that there’s anyone out there ready to not only be with me, but to accept everyone else so who comes with me, too. This new guy, Andi, he seems amazing. He really does. He’s met my kids recently and he gets along with them super well and really tries hard. Then went do I have this feeling that it just won’t work? Like, I really feel like messaging him and saying it won’t work… I want to pull back, massively. What should I do? Listen to this little voice in my head or give the situation and Andi a chance??!

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 14/12/2021 23:30

I guess it depends on what you mean by it not working.

I mean, it's just a bit of company isn't it?

Maybe if you're talking full integration between his family and yours and living together then that won't be possible. Who knows.

But you cam still meet up for a bit of tlc and fun fun the guy surely?

And it's not like it has to be anything more than that.

Don't put pressure on yourself to end something nice and that works for now just because you aren't sure if it's forever or if it's fairytale dream.

Just take it as it comes and enjoy it for what it is. And when it stops working for you, then you walk away.

Hakuna matata as they say.

Original poster
AstroGirl5 · 15/12/2021 06:21

Well, we’ve been dating for some time now and it’s going great. But while he’s met my kids, he hasn’t yet introduced me to his. I suppose it will happen soon but it also kind of makes me wonder if he’s serious…

OP posts:
Sparkai · 15/12/2021 06:59

How long is "dating for some time"? Are you in an exclusive relationship? Personally, I wouldn't be introducing kids before that has been the case for a good while and u was sure it was going to work.

Ask him. Is there a reason you feel like you can't talk about it?

SortingItOut · 15/12/2021 07:16

The longer you are together the more committed it is, maybe that's what you are struggling with.

How long have you been dating?
How has it happened that he met your kids but you haven't met his?

Original poster
AstroGirl5 · 15/12/2021 07:19

@Sparkai

How long is "dating for some time"? Are you in an exclusive relationship? Personally, I wouldn't be introducing kids before that has been the case for a good while and u was sure it was going to work.

Ask him. Is there a reason you feel like you can't talk about it?

Yes, we are in an exclusive relationship. And while I wasn’t planning on introducing my kids to him now, it just so happened because of common pre-Xmas gatherings with friends and kids, and he was there too. And I don’t know, it does feel rushed and I’m not sure - and I’m mostly just not sure that in the long run, he’ll indeed want to be with a woman with two kids and two pets… I know it’s extra complicated…
OP posts:
SortingItOut · 15/12/2021 07:25

It feels rushed because it is rushed.
Just because you were all at the same event didn't mean you 'had' to introduce him to your kids at all or could have just said he was a friend.

Would he honestly have been there if you and your kids weren't going?

Stop worrying about your family set up and whether he will want you long term and sort out the mess of him meeting your kids too early.

I've got 2 kids, 2 dogs, 15 chickens, 26 geese and a busy life - if a man wants me then this is my package, tske it or leave it.

FabulousMrFifty · 15/12/2021 07:31

If he as 2 kids, then you having kids won’t be an issue for him.

As for pets, as long as he has no allergies, thats not an issue either, they are no his responsibility

Sounds a bit like you are looking for an excuses to call it off or push him away really

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 15/12/2021 07:53

I had dc... And a huge ddog. And 2 dcats and reptiles when I met dh!!
Now married (6 years) with a dc 7.
Been together 9.

Inthesameboatatmo · 15/12/2021 12:00

Tale it slowly op and don't run away with things I your head.

Doubledoorsontogarden · 15/12/2021 12:03

Don’t over think it at this point. Do your DC see their DF? If so try to free up some time? Get a friend to feed your cat? Consider dog Walker/kennels?

Original poster
AstroGirl5 · 15/12/2021 13:36

Yes, my kids see their father and actually soon my BF and I are traveling on a romantic 3 day trip… So it does all seem nice but I think I’ve just been single and dating some weirdos for so long that it’s really hard to believe something solid can actually work out for me for once. I try to be positive and not to think about that, but that’s not easy.

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 15/12/2021 14:05

As a family we joked our ddog was a great judge of character and new bf had to pass The Test with ddog!!
Luckily she did like him. And his df. Not his dm as much which did indeed prove to be a correct call. She became bloody awful when we had a dc. And was uninvited to our wedding!! Maybe your ddog will come in handy also op!!

Foreverlexicon · 15/12/2021 14:09

I felt like this when I met my dp.

I had a string of bad dating experiences/bad relationship and I couldn’t believe it would work and my feelings scared me.

3 years on, happy as Larry and own a house and a dog together.

Original poster
AstroGirl5 · 15/12/2021 14:17

@Foreverlexicon

I felt like this when I met my dp.

I had a string of bad dating experiences/bad relationship and I couldn’t believe it would work and my feelings scared me.

3 years on, happy as Larry and own a house and a dog together.

This is reassuring, thank you!! I do indeed hope it can work out. It’s still very early days but he’s met my kids, they like him a lot, and the dog too 😂 So I guess that’s a good sign. The upcoming three day trip is the first romantic getaway for us so I think it’ll be a real test… But I just wonder if it’s just me having these thoughts or he’s also unsure… When we are together, all seems fine but living in different houses with our kids, jobs, our separate lives seems such a long call from ever forming a family… And I’m so scared that if this doesn’t work out, I’ll be back at square one, back to dating, and I sooooo don’t want to do that. Spending time with every new person we meet, however little time, is still leaving a part of ourselves behind with them, forever, somehow, and I so tired of bad relationships…
OP posts:
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