Omg I'm mentally cheating on my husband

[Creeplow000]

OK, I have just started a new job working in a pub kitchen. It's me and the chef in there and we have hit it off straight away, sexual sparks flying and I can't stop thinking about him sexually. I dont know what to do.
I could never cheat on my husband but this new attention feels so good.

don't cheat on him then? What do you mean you don't know what to do - just don't shag the chef, it's simple, surely?

I dont know what to do.

Shag him. Obviously. Is that what you want to hear?

Would you be okay with your husband sharing sparks with a colleague?

Go for it; what’s the worst that could happen?

🤔

Oh for goodness sake. Get a grip. Enjoy the sparks etc but come on. You know exactly what you should and shouldn't do

Have you spent much time on mumsnet, op?

I was decorating our Christmas tree with the wife and kids the other day. It’s a yearly ritual, some of the decorations go back to when me and the mrs were kids. I thought about how We wouldn’t be doing this all together if I hadn’t changed my work situation when I was in your position a few years ago.

What are you hoping to get out of this post? It’s a bad idea to dwell on these feelings, even by just chatting on mumsnet!

You want permission to cheat?

Get a new job and get yourself away from this man.

Its all well and good to have the sparks and butterfly's when you don't have the day to day of life and a home together.

How would you feel if your dh felt like this about someone else?

Time to change jobs. No ifs or buts.

Ps, often in 'sparks flying' situations, its because he is a narcissist love bombing/mirroring and otherwise attempting to reel you in. Not saying that all chemistry is this but 'intensity' ans whirlwinds are the calling cards of the narcissist. So, watch yourself.

You are a human female, not a monkey. You can control your behavior and not have sex with someone if you don't want it to happen. Sparks will stop flying around if you behave differently, stop flirting back, no touching etc

Just picture your boys’ faces when you tell them that Mum and Dad are splitting up.

You are playing with fire, OP. Stop the flirting. Find a new job.

You take responsibility for your behaviour.

It doesn’t just “happen”

Either the OP hasn’t been here before or they are already bored before the school holidays even kick in yet.

Being married doesn't mean you don't fancy other people or find someone else attractive. What is important is how you deal with it and that you don't act on it verbally or physically.

Why not just enjoy working with someone you fancy, not talk to the om about it or act on it. In my experience these feelings rarely last.

Yeah you obviously need to stop this before you seriously hurt your husband and kids. i.e Now.

By the way, the chef probably does this with all the new employees. And I agree with @Pinkbonbon on the lovebombing.

I dont know what to do about my job. I cant loose it but I fear he will try it on and ruin it.
The attention excites me but I can never cheat on my husband.
Maybe I'm just getting the wrong signals. I hope so

Not being rude but what are you looking for from this thread?

Buy the chef a stick on toothbrush moustache, and get him to wear it whilst at work. If Hitler still arouses you, you have bigger problems than cheating on your husband.

Even if he 'tries it on' you can say a very clear No.

And he's not likely to try it on unless you give him signals that you'd be OK with that (so avoid doing that).

If it helps, imagine that all the other staff know that he always comes on to the new woman / new girl, then he plays around with them for a bit / gets a quick shag if they fall for it, then moves on to the next one. Imagine they've got a book running on how long it will take him to get you to agree to it.

You are allowed to fantasise all you want OP! Enjoy it. Nobody gets a say in what goes on in your head and it's nobody's business what you do in there either. I have dark and crazy sexual stuff going on mentally which my DP knows nothing off.

But keep it that way. Seriously. If you love your DH.

People on here can be so obtuse.

OP - don’t worry. You have a crush. There’s no such thing as mentally cheating, thoughts aren’t cheating. It’s your words and actions that are going to count here. I recently had a very similar experience with a friend. It was just magnetic. I just couldn’t help how I felt and I felt awful that I didn’t feel this way about my partner. But honestly; how could I? Paying bills, meal planning and housework are our reality and our love is deep and meaningful compared to this crush who I knew was a flirt and also just brought his best self to any chat we had. But also, it was flattering to have someone I thought was attractive pay me attention. Neither of us did or said anything that wouldn’t pass the sniff test but the chemistry was just there. In the end it passed and frankly there’s nothing else for it other than exercising some self control but trust me I KNOW how hard it is. You’re in a relationship, not dead, so this is bound to happen occasionally but you have to take steps.

If you think he's going to try it on, be really crystal clear that nothing will ever happen. No flirty conversations etc.