Do I need to just kiss him?

[WishfulThinkkk]

I’ve always dated people who have messed me about a bit. Not necessarily maliciously but just people who are emotionally unavailable.

I’ve met someone who is very straightforward but has a sense of humour and is interested in me, polite, fun. He’s extremely communicative and sensitive/emotionally available. It’s making me cringe and I can’t bring myself to kiss him, not because I don’t want to, but because I’m scared. Usually I’m fine with kissing someone and enjoy that part of things. I feel strange about it…I’m used to kissing men who I am not sure want a relationship etc whereas with this man I know he’s being straightforward.

I don’t want to live my life pushing people away as I would love a proper relationship. Do you think I can move past this? If so how? Is it just a case of kissing him and getting it over with?

Is it possible you don't fancy him?

Personally I'd go somewhere dimly lit, have a few drinks, cosy up and get in there

What is making you cringe? His behaviour or the thought of making the first move?

I had a relationship with someone where we had three dates and fell into this sort of stale mate of are we going to kiss or not. I thought I tried to give signals but it always ended up as what I refer to as the awkard tube station goodbye where he was going one way and I was going another and we would hug and kiss cheeks and I would then drive myself nuts on the tube home! In the end it was him that actually picked up my hand when we were sat in the car. I was like what?! This is a way of showing affection? Of course it is lol, and then we kissed and it was lovely! Not sure what my point is...maybe just hold hands then go from there!

Ahhh thanks for the replies!

@TheOccupier yeah maybe I don’t fancy him but he’s no less attractive than the emotionally stunted men I’ve dated in the past so I don’t think this is truly an attraction issue in a physical sense.

@MistySkiesAfterRain every time we’ve met he's tried to make a move I can just sense it. I’ve practically ran out of his car when I can feel the moment arising. It’s definitely becoming an issue (date four now).

I think I cringe because I am not used to someone being so open and emotionally available. When I’m not sure what’s going on and there’s a bit of a chase feeling, in some ways I feel more in control. It’s strange. I don’t get it but I know he’s done absolutely nothing wrong as is treating me nicely.

Don't kiss someone that you don't fancy.

I felt like this about my boyfriend OP! I didn’t think I was attracted to him. What I did was accidentally have a few gins before he came over. Wouldn’t necessarily recommend it but in my case it worked because I was just so wary and guarded that I’d put all my defences up and the gin helped knock them down. Anyway… been with him 8 months now. Absolutely am attracted to him and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

@CeriBerry ah I think I need alcohol, I was thinking this earlier! I was wondering today if it was an attraction thing but I just can’t see that it is as I’m not UNattracted if that makes sense?!

I’m worried it won’t feel right for some reason.

@Lightstoobright

Don't kiss someone that you don't fancy.

This.

I wonder if you are sensing something that makes you hesitate. Like an ick that will develop. Not always obvious, could be body language, smells, mannerisms, sense of expectation.

@Lightstoobright

Don't kiss someone that you don't fancy.

Agree

There's no rush

Could be one of two things

• you don’t have chemistry together
• you are subconsciously self sabotaging as a protective mechanism.

If it’s the former - kissing won’t help
If it’s the latter, then you are robbing yourself of a potentially good relationship. Kiss him.
If you just don’t know which it is. Kiss him and find out? Pay for some therapy? (I don’t mean that harshly, therapy is fantastic )