About to become a single mum and looking for advice and reassurance

[Icandefinitelydothis]

Hi everyone,

My relationship is finally nearing an end - I hope I’m right. It’ll leave me with our two DC (3 and 6 months). I’ve been so unhappy and waiting for him to leave. We aren’t married, the house is mine, I already work full time (returning after Mat leave finishes) and pay the bills and childcare so that won’t change. I’m very lucky in many ways.

I feel scared though and so sad for the children. My self esteem is in my boots really and I think I’m just looking for reassurance that I can do this.

Does anyone have any advice about how to pick myself up, how to help the children cope, how to cope myself? I want to do this, I think it’s the right thing and I believe I can….. I’m just scared.

Well if you've been really unhappy then it will be a very good thing! On your own you'll rediscover how fantastic you are and how you really can totally do this. I think the one of the worst things about single parenthood is the financial implications - so if you're saying that's ok then that's great.
Find your local gingerbread group. And enjoy being free and in charge!

As a lone parent I can tell you how much happier I am getting to make all the decisions in my home.

Yes, I do have to do all the chores and housework but at the same time I don’t mind because I am not getting bitter and resentful over doing it for someone else who doesn’t pull his weight.

We have a calm, happy home. Ds and I have a fantastic friendship because we spend so much time together.

Sounds like you have it together already lovely, you've absolutely got this!!

Sometimes it's hard work I'm not going to lie but it's so much easier with the huge weight of firefighting a shit relationship off your shoulders.

My advice is connect with your friends, maybe give yourself a new look and 'cleanse' the house of his presence by changing the decor, and removing anything that will trigger memories.
Day to day practical schedule in down time for yourself and batch cook.

Do you have any practical support from friends and family and do you think he will be reliable contact wise?

I thought I couldn't live without my dp (dc father). I put up with so much crap for years as didn't want to "split up our family". I felt like it was the end of the world, how would I cope with money, dc, house etc. I am now in a much better place, I am so happy, dc are happy, life is good, I have met someone else. I finally feel at peace with my life. If I can do it, anyone can. Good luck!

That’s a great idea about Gingerbread, thanks. I’ll take a look

@Closetbeanmuncher

Sounds like you have it together already lovely, you've absolutely got this!!

Sometimes it's hard work I'm not going to lie but it's so much easier with the huge weight of firefighting a shit relationship off your shoulders.

My advice is connect with your friends, maybe give yourself a new look and 'cleanse' the house of his presence by changing the decor, and removing anything that will trigger memories.
Day to day practical schedule in down time for yourself and batch cook.

Do you have any practical support from friends and family and do you think he will be reliable contact wise?

I’ve got a lovely family (parents and siblings). They’re not on the doorstep but we see them often and we’re close. We live in a close knit village, which is friendly and I’ve friends near by.

I think my soon-to-be-ex will be difficult. He will ask for a contact arrangement but I expect he’ll try to frustrate me with last minute changes etc. in fairness, I’ve not given him the chance yet so I might be wrong. He loves frustrating me though so I cannot show him any impact because it spurs him on.

O gosh where do I start! So many of my married friends are so jealous of our calm home.

There was a weight that lifted when my ex left and things became easier not harder. I kept waiting for a period of depression to hit & it never did!!!

I have friends round - they all like to come to my house as it feels relaxed.
I have kitchen discos
We eat what we want
We have a settled routine
No major fights with a toxic atmosphere

You’ve got this girl 👌

@ProudThrilledHappy

As a lone parent I can tell you how much happier I am getting to make all the decisions in my home.

Yes, I do have to do all the chores and housework but at the same time I don’t mind because I am not getting bitter and resentful over doing it for someone else who doesn’t pull his weight.

We have a calm, happy home. Ds and I have a fantastic friendship because we spend so much time together.

This is such a lovely thing to read and it’s what I’m hoping for… we’ll done to you. I’m not an angry person but I feel like one in this relationship. I want my kids to see a happy, healthy mum, not an angry frustrated one.

I left when DC were 2 and 9 months. I moved into a rental property but honestly my life changed for the better the moment i walked away. It was hard, mainly due to their ages and the logistics etc that brings but it was easier than being with my ex.

My advice would reflect others in saying to make sure that you accept help or ask for it when you need it. I refused all help because i thought i could do everything myself and i ended up quite stressed out. Once i accepted a few hours of childcare so i could go for a walk or something i was much more able to cope. My ex didnt have the DC overnight for 2 years.

8 Years on and im still single because im so content with myself and the life ive made for the DC and I.

You will be fine! Best of luck.

@Glindaswand

O gosh where do I start! So many of my married friends are so jealous of our calm home.

There was a weight that lifted when my ex left and things became easier not harder. I kept waiting for a period of depression to hit & it never did!!!

I have friends round - they all like to come to my house as it feels relaxed.
I have kitchen discos
We eat what we want
We have a settled routine
No major fights with a toxic atmosphere

You’ve got this girl 👌

Thank you thank you thank you xx