Getting back to uk

[Mothgirl]

I need to leave my relationship and come back to uk but I'm so nervous about all the moving parts.

Is it possible to find a flat a few months in advance or do they only put ads up for flats to let immediately? I heard that landlords dont let you have animals, how am I going to find somewhere that will take my cat? :(

Its stressful enough leaving a relationship but covid fucked my MH and I have to deal with this country move too. Each time I become stuck because there are just too many practicalities and I cant figure out how to start or what to focus on first, I also have adhd.

Can someone help me try and think clearly about how to take a detached approach to doing this? I'm dreading telling him and I dont want to until I have some things organised. I feel really panicky. I dont know if it's a good idea to pick a date and start from there.

Is there somewhere you can stay for awhile, just to get your feel on the ground?

I have my own place, but I do know some landlords will let you have a cat. It is much harder though.

@spotcheck

Thank you for replying to me! I am really lucky in that I have a very good friend I could stay with in the place I am thinking about moving back to. What am I going to do with my cat in the meantime though? What would be best is if I left her here while I go to stay with my friend for 2 or 3 weeks, do you think that will be enough time to find a flat of my own? It would be great if I could find somewhere with three of four months wait as thats my notice period where I am now and it would give me time to organise shipping etc.

I am really dreading telling him :(

What will you do about work?

@toomuchlaundry
I work remotely so it's not a problem

If you have to give several months' notice to leave your current home, do it now then you have to take steps to move back. Book your flight if you need to fly back. Do you have a UK bank account, cards, etc? If so you shouldn't have any issues with credit checks when looking to rent in the UK.

Can your employer provide any help?

Do you have the finances to place your cat in a cattery while you search for a property ?

@WeAreTheHeroes
Shit seriously, they run credit checks for renting?! I do have my UK bank account and card, but I haven't used it in about 4 years. Think it has £10 in it.

The problem with giving notice now is we live together, so if I give notice, he will know obviously. I think maybe a good idea for me would be to get a pet taxi already booked for my cat and have that as the fixed date I need to work around, will need to figure out what paperwork she needs.

I have enough money to be able to put her in a cattery but I'd rather try and find somewhere without having to do that. I'm thinking maybe I can book a pet taxi for say 1 April, and go and stay with my friend for a week or two in January and look at places. Fingers crossed I will find somewhere for around the date I need, but if a great place comes up and I can have it, I will resign myself to having to pay double rent for a month or two.

Have a look at the moneysavingexpert website on how to build your credit rating and information on renting in the UK. You may need to find a guarantor and/or pay six month's rent upfront. You may find a private landlord who is happy you have proof of income and doesn't want these.

Could your family help by being guarantors?

May one ask, from which country will you be coming? (Mainly, is it ok to bring a cat to the UK from there?).

And in roughly which part of the UK would you be settling? You'd be surprised how helpful Mumsnetters are!

If I were you, I'd contact Women's Aid to ask for guidance about various things, but they also have contacts about pet re-housing/fostering.

See if you can put some money into your UK account, a bit at a time. Can you use your friend's address before you come over?

You could try contacting air bnb's in the area you want to move to and see if you can get a rental through that for a few weeks to get you settled. With no UK credit history its likely any long term rental will want 6 months rent plus 6 weeks deposit up front.

Thank you for talking to me, its reassuring me a fair bit!
I have researched bringing my cat in (I'm coming from the EU) and it seems fine. Only thing I'm wondering is where I am they give them a three year rabies jab, i hope the UK border people won't be wondering why her jab will have been over a year ago?

I have plenty of people in the UK who would be my guarantor and I can also pay 6 months rent in advance if needed. So that's again quite reassuring. My friend would let me use her address in the UK. I could also stay there for however long I needed but I couldn't have my cat there I dont think.

I could start using my UK bank account again while I wait for spring, actually I'm still paying my student loan and it comes out of my euro account - so I get hammered for currency conversion! I could just set it up so the loan comes out of the uk account instead (why havent I been doing that all along!).

Hopefully I can use this thread to keep me accountable. I tried to do this last year and it didnt work. I feel like a failure. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing but deep down I know I am. Our relationship isnt abusive per se, but everything is on his terms. Where we live, how we live. But I pay the rent. He already told me before that he loved me but that he wasnt going to change anything in his life and that if I wasnt happy with it then I should leave. WTF is wrong with me? Why didnt I take him at his word? I guess I always kept a bit of hope but I just have to wake up and do this :( I suppose I always thought the relationship would be enough but of course it fucking isnt. I just want to be back surrounded by people I love, feeling light again.

Other option would be a lodger for a few months until you get back on your feet.

Websites like spareroom.co.uk might help, or pick some trusted friends/family to find out if someone has a spare room for a few weeks.

Good luck!

Hi op, I sympathize. Some of what you say about living on someone else's terms really resonates with me. I'm in a similar position abroad. I have been trying to figure out whether to return to UK for years. I never seem to make a decision and so the years just drag on and on here. Realistically I know I don't want to be here forever but it's hard in a relationship isn't it. If I left I would have to go on my own.

I second looking at Spareroom.com

I get my lodgers from there and am more than happy to help people out with short term lets whilst they find their feet. I can't be the only one.

@Touty I have messaged you!

You are all so right with the spare room thing but I just really dont want to put my cat in a cattery 😪

“He already told me before that he loved me but that he wasnt going to change anything in his life and that if I wasnt happy with it then I should leave.”

That doesn’t sound like love to me, OP. Love involves accommodating your loved one and their needs at least some of the time (it’s a two-way thing whereas here it was all on his terms). Sounds like he wanted all the upside of a relationship without the obligations. You have made the right decision, OP.

The rental market is very different depending on which part of the country you are in. It’s worth looking on rightmove and ring estate agents in the area.

[quote Mothgirl]@Touty I have messaged you!

You are all so right with the spare room thing but I just really dont want to put my cat in a cattery 😪[/quote]

Some will take a cat! I did when I advertised on there.

Practically I think you're going to need more than a few weeks to find a place if you have to build a credit profile. Could you stay with the friend longer, or someone else for a couple of months?