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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Breakup... What to think of this?

7 replies

elrocl · 13/12/2021 18:13

My partner (27 M) and I (25 F) have been going out for 1.5 years and live together in France. However he has just broken up with me rather suddenly, leaving me having to think about alternative housing and perhaps a new job too. I don't know how best to handle the situation.

Everything was going well between us until his job put him up for a post working abroad for a year. He's a home bird and was quite scared by the idea of being away from friends and family, however he said he'd like me to consider coming with him and was quite persistent in asking me.

Fast forward a week and he goes on a trekking weekend with friends, comes back and says that he doesn't picture a future with anything (jobs, flats, relationships) and has trouble staying still for too long. He says it's something he has booked to see a therapist about, but he feels bad making me wait around to see if the therapy does or does not work. He is besides himself for 3 days saying he's loved me like his first love, before ultimately deciding to end it. We had to live in the same flat for a week before my trip home, which was incredibly bittersweet and there were a lot of tears on both sides.

He is convinced that we will meet again, saying that he still loves me and he'll call when he's finished therapy. I don't know how to move on: he said he didn't want to have me hanging on, but this is doing exactly that...

Any help or life experience is much appreciated!

OP posts:
BumBurnerBum · 13/12/2021 18:16

Was he really just with friends on that break?

Sorry you are going through this.

elrocl · 13/12/2021 18:20

Yes, it was an odd scenario where he was invited on a no phones treasure hunt hike (they weren't told who was inviting them till they arrived, and had to hitchhike around France...). He mentioned that it made him realise he might need some time alone to do these things...

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 13/12/2021 18:35

Therapy can't 'fix' a person's nature.

Did you move to France with him after not knowing him long? He sounds like a typical love bomber tbh. And now he is bored ge eats to try donetgjng new. But he doesn't want to throw his old toys away either, incase he feels like playing with them again.

Move forwards with your own life and make a clean break from him.

At best he is fickle and doesn't know what he wants from life...but knows it isn't you. At worst, he is a headfucking wanker who I tends to string you along.

Time for you to make the real decision. Choose to cut him lose.

Ps: he probably slept with someone else on that trip. Or at least, wanted to.

Pinkbonbon · 13/12/2021 18:36

*he wants to try something new

dumplings1 · 13/12/2021 18:37

Sorry this has happened to you, I think him going away has made him realise he doesn't want long term commitment with you.

I would move on from him, don't wait for him to figure out that his new lifestyle isn't fulfilling him, you would be a back up plan to come back to when he gets bored and how long can you trust him to stay with you again.

Could the therapy just be a cover for not being totally honest about his feelings I wonder.

IgneousRock · 13/12/2021 18:38

He’s only leaving you hanging on if you let him, OP. Let him go Flowers

reasysteady · 13/12/2021 18:42

Agreed with all the previous posts.

He doesn't want to be with you, he's either too chicken to say this, or he would like to be able to 'reconnect' with you at his convenience - and not be the bad guy because you know where you stand.

Relationships end, you have the chance now to go and do what you'd like to do

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