it’s been 7 weeks and 3 days since I left (I’m not sinead O’Connor)

[Allllthedo]

My partner of a year said he couldn’t commit to me in the way I wanted, ie moving in next year, thinking about a proper future, going on holiday, because life was too busy for him. On that basis I decided I had to leave him. I’m 38, he’s 39.

We had the best relationship I’ve ever had with anyone. I left purely because I want so get on with these things in life and they clearly weren’t on his immediate or close to immediate agenda/not a priority for him. I didn’t leave because I don’t love him. I pretty much told him all this.

We’ve not spoken in 7 weeks and 3 days. He’s not going to get in touch, is he? How do I move on? I have been on dates with people clearly far more committed to a future than he was, yet all I can think of is him and the fact he felt like my best friend and partner rolled into one.

I’m so sad.

Hopefully he won't get in touch again. It is very hard to leave a relationship but it wasnt what you wanted. He respected your wishes and stepped away as any healthy person would do. No contact is the best way to keep going. Please dont get in contact with him as he is on a healing journey too as well as you. Keep up with the healing and you will eventually move forward. Perhaps its a bit too soon to be out dating again as your ex still resides in your head too much right now.

I really think you should take a break from dating for a bit. You don’t want to start a relationship that’s going to fairly quickly lead to moving in, marriage and kids on the rebound. That’s an absolute recipe for disaster. And extremely unfair to whoever commits to that with you.

Give yourself some time. 7 weeks is early days and you’re grieving. I read something the other day that had to do with anxiety but could equally be applied to your situation. The suggestion was to schedule a time each day to think about your worries (or in your case, your ex). Half an hour every evening at 7pm for example. Every time you think of him during the day, you immediately busy yourself with another activity and tell yourself that you will pick that thought back up at your 7pm appointment. The rest of the time you need to get really busy and occupied. The idea is that you give yourself time and space to process your emotions and feel whatever you need to feel, but in a way that doesn’t take over your life and leaves you opportunities to find fulfilment elsewhere. One of those things that is easier said than done, but some people swear by it.

Look after yourself.

You broke up with him for very good reasons, but it is hard because nothing "bad/wrong" happened. It really does sound like a case of bad timing. But I'm guessing you want to start a family and waiting around around until he is ready isn't something you have the luxury of.

Not hearing from him is good, he is leaving you to it. You probably won't hear from him again and that will make things easier. Nothing worse than being strung along

Thanks. I really really thought he was right for me. It’s so tough. I miss him a lot. I can’t understand why he wouldn’t have wanted to have built our relationship. He said so often that I was the love of his life.

@Allllthedo

Thanks. I really really thought he was right for me. It’s so tough. I miss him a lot. I can’t understand why he wouldn’t have wanted to have built our relationship. He said so often that I was the love of his life.

Please learn from this as anyone can say "you are the love of my life", you can only quantify that with the actions that match it. He was not on that page of 'love'. He wasnt committed to you at that moment. You saw this quickly and took action. You freed yourself from years of waiting and I have read lots of women on here who wait for years and years for commitment and still never get it....so, well done you for spotting it and extracting yourself from a partnership that wasnt going where you wanted it to go.