Relationship advice, complicated, ALERT

[Tadmadruby]

Sorry if my post is long, kindly give me your insight and any tips you may have.

In my 30's, have 2 children and divorced, been divorced for about 4 years now and been single mainly due to my ex being very dependent on me, refusing to move on and also stopping me from moving on, he moved to my house few months ago after a health scare and did not move out yet. I have a child with a severe disability, my life is not easy from the outside but i am blessed in many ways.
-i have happy children even with the added challenges, every night my children have been fed, clean, entertained and going to bed giving me millions of beautiful hugs.
-i have a nice clean home and doing OK
-i have friends, although not real ones.
-i look good (so vain🙄😂)

Point is, not all doom and gloom. I just dont have a romantic life of any type.

My dilemma. I do not know how to help my ex move on and be happy WITHOUT losing him as a father. He keeps saying if he is not in our life that way he will be out if their life for good..
Some might say, so what..
I am not originally from here, i moved here after my studies to work and ended up living here (unplanned) so, all my family are back home. No one to help with the kids (dont forget my son is extremely challenging) and also i feel guilty to cut them off their only real support network other than me.
But the situation is unhealthy and i am at loss.

Sadly, after years if being single, someone caught my eyes, i cant have him because of my messy life so it makes me feel uneasy that i am a growing up woman who can not have a life because of someone else influence, being controlled in this lame way..

I am not too old to think i have the right to date.
I am not too burdened by my responsibilities to think no one will accept me.
I just need to me be, it is very hard when i literary cant get my ex out of my house..

If i kicked him out he have no where to go! He have no real friends, doesnt save money, don't have the basic skills to look after himself (it effects my kids so i care)
I feel so responsible for him, after all.. i am the one who wanted a divorce and my reasons where "i just dont love him anymore"

It not not enough, my family, his family and himself.. i sacrifice my kids happiness and stability because i am a B who wants men and poor good husband done everything he can.. F me😞, everyone wants me to sacrifice for the happiness of anyone else expect me..

Sorry for the long post.. i hope someone can actually understand and give me sound advice..
or maybe i needed someone to listen and talk to.

I’m sorry life is so complicated for you. You are not responsible for your ex husband. He needs to move out and support himself or claim benefits like any other adult. You might well be doing him a favour so that he can take responsibility for himself and grow into a more mature and happier man. Good luck

Tell your ex he needs to move out, surely he has family he can go to? Him being in the house is giving him the idea that he doesn't have to go anywhere and he can get his feet back under the table.
Don't listen to his blackmail he's trying to manipulate you into letting him stay.
You deserve to move on and be happy, but you can't move forward living as you are

No way forward except to get ex to move out,
He is not your responsibility just because you wanted the divorce.
He sounds like a rock around your neck.
Kick him out, homeless or not.
He’s a grown man and can take care of himself but has switched into ‘victim mode’

You are allowing yourself to be blackmailed. You're the maker of your own misery. Sorry, but it's true. You are in no way responsible for your ex-husband, and if he chooses to abandon his children, that's on him. Stop living your life as a hostage to his abuse. Tell him to get the fuck out TODAY.

"My dilemma. I do not know how to help my ex move on and be happy WITHOUT losing him as a father. He keeps saying if he is not in our life that way he will be out if their life for good.."

He's still doing a right number on you even though you're now divorced. All this man cares about is his own self and he does not care who he hurts (you and the kids) in order to get that.

The above is NOT your job and never has been. He just likes to further sucker you into his mad world.

You're in a codependent relationship with your ex H and that is not doing you or your children any favours whatsoever. His needs are NOT more important than yours and you are NOT responsible for him now or infact ever. DO read "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie.

Indeed stop living your life (and in turn your children's lives) hostage to him and his inherent selfishness.

Serve him notice to move out.
Grey rock techniques when he is still there.
This is emotional abuse, if he decides nor to see his children that is his choice not yours.
It seems harsh to say this but you ate creating this problem by allowing it.
He is an adult, time for him to act like one, claim your life back

First, you are entitled to a life outside of your children. Lots of people are divorced and have new partners. You are not unreasonable or selfish or a bitch for this. You are a victim of a co dependent and abusive ex. He is abusing you by using emotional blackmail. It is NOT ok for him to say if you don’t do what I want I will cut off the children. That is blackmail. Your first step is to get him out of your house and you can then figure out the rest. One step at a time. I’d suggest you say to him “ok enough is enough now. We are divorced and it’s time for you to move back out. Let’s have Xmas and then you need to be moved out by 5 January” that is more than reasonable. Have that conversation and report back how it goes. Be firm. You can do this

I'm not surprised you don't love someone who says that if you were to draw a line under living together, he wouldn't have a relationship with his own kids again. Pathetic excuse for a father. You're enabling him to hold you back from a full, happy and healthy life. And presenting an unhealthy relationship dynamic to your children. Time to move on. He needs to go. He's a grown man, he'll figure out somewhere to stay.