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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dealing with an ex

15 replies

Jbean80 · 13/12/2021 07:35

I was with my ex for two years until five weeks ago, when he suddenly text me to say he didn’t want to be with me. I went to see him as I felt I deserved a better explanation, he explained that ‘his heart’ wasn’t in it anymore and that he wanted to be alone. I was heartbroken but accepted what he said, I was really upset and for the past month I’ve thought of him. Friday was his nephews wedding, we had been invited to go together but obviously I wasn’t going to be going. I messaged him in the morning and said I hoped that he had a good time. He never replied and so by the end of Friday I decided that actually he didn’t matter anymore and I blocked him and deleted him. Saturday evening at 11pm he messaged me on messenger (we have never used messenger to talk) asking if I could I call him as he was feeling really down. I didn’t call him but we did exchange messages, mainly me trying to make him feel better. We agreed to meet on Sunday night. I got to his and this is what he said:
He had finished with me because he had met someone else, everything was going great for them and he had fallen in love with her, they went to the wedding on Friday and after the wedding she basically dumped him and now he was heartbroken and needed to speak to someone. In the two years we were together he never told me he loved me. I’m feeling beyond rejected, I’m so upset and I know I shouldn’t.

I suppose what I want to know is, how do you deal with rejection? I’m upset and feel utterly crap, ugly and just rubbish about myself

OP posts:
pog100 · 13/12/2021 09:33

Don't feel crap about yourself feel anger at the immature selfish idiot who doesn't know his own mind. Block the wanker. Be on your own a while then start opening up again

barbrahunter · 13/12/2021 09:35

He's got some cheek contacting you! I am sorry that this idiot has messed you about and hurt you.
I'm not the best at giving advice, but I think you need to block him everywhere and never talk to him again. It wasn't you, it was him.

TurnUpTurnip · 13/12/2021 09:39

Wow he sounds awful, I would Completely cut contact

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 13/12/2021 09:41

Gosh, that's some tone-deaf brass neck cnty fuckery that could give Boris a run for his money. Block his selfish sorry ase. Sorry that you're going through this Flowers

SoItWas · 13/12/2021 09:43

Don't comfort him! I would block/delete his number and any social media, and not contact him again. What an asshole! Don't think of it as you being rejected, think of it as learning his true colours, and getting the hell out of dodge, before things got more serious.

Jbean80 · 13/12/2021 09:53

Thank you! You made me laugh out loud. I didn’t need him to tell me all this and I don’t understand why he did. Why has he felt the need to tell it all to me?

OP posts:
Ekibastuz1 · 13/12/2021 10:08

Because he's a self-centred arsehole. It's that simple.

sunshine789 · 13/12/2021 10:57

You are not rubbish or crap, that guy is an ass. You should stop texting him and answering him. And why do you put yourself so low, that after you've been dumped, you are wiping his tears after he cheated on you and been dumped.
You should love and respect yourself, and stop any contacts with that asshole.

Jbean80 · 13/12/2021 11:35

I feel that it must be my fault - even writing that makes me feel angry because I know it can’t be. But I feel like he cheated because I was ugly or whatever it was he felt he needed to look elsewhere for. If he hadn’t had said I wouldn’t have cared. If this was a friend I’d be saying all this too but for some reason I’m feeling awful

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 13/12/2021 12:12

@Ekibastuz1

Because he's a self-centred arsehole. It's that simple.
Here is your answer.
Nowomenaroundeh · 13/12/2021 12:36

Oh my god I am stunned. I know it doesn't feel like this but you have had a lucky escape. What a repulsive man. There is so much better waiting for you.

I can't believe he reached out to you for comfort. He was cheating and then brought her to the wedding? Vile man.

I'm sorry, I know you must really be hurting but this is a new chapter for you.

Jbean80 · 13/12/2021 12:57

Thank you, and I know he is vile but it’s really knocked me, the last two years have meant nothing and I’m in shock that he thought it would be ok to reach out to me. Im the friend who tells everyone not to put up with this kind of shit. I’m internalising it all and taking it personally when really the truth is: he was reaching out to me for support when he was feeling crap and pissed - he then stupidly told me everything because for some reason he confused me with someone who gives a shit. Now I’m left to deal with how the truth makes me feel :(

OP posts:
flashpaper · 13/12/2021 13:00

I hope you replied with "aww that's so sad, but it appears that you fucking deserved it, you complete twat" and blocked.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this Sad

Moretodo · 13/12/2021 13:04

It's clearly his issues/his mess, it's all coming from his direction.

It's not you!
Lots of us been cheated on, is it because we are worth less or is it because we dated cheaters?

Marineboy67 · 13/12/2021 17:15

Tell him to fuck right off out of it...cheeky bastard

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