Do I need help with this/Is it even a problem?

[tysfmd]

I won't be graphic, Will just put enough so you know what I'm talking about. Side note, I didn't know this was a problem until I became single..

From as far back as I can remember I have had a huge thing for men who wear suits. Because of this I tended to date professional types as they were more likely to wear them than say a guy who would wear one a few times a year at a wedding or whatever. I ended up in a 16 year relationship with my ex, He wore suits for work every day and would often keep it on when we were being intimate which we were both into. All ok. He left me four years ago and that is when I started to think I have a problem.

The issue/s: If I am chatting online I find myself asking 'Do you wear suits?' if not I instantly block them, I find myself talking to men I don't find attractive just because I might like the shirt or tie they are wearing. In a nutshell, If there was a naked man next to me now it would do nothing at all for me, Put a suit on him and I would be instantly interested. He could be the nicest/best looking/insert good trait here man ever to walk the Earth but if he doesn't wear suits I lose interest immediately.

Is this a problem as such? Do I need to talk to anyone about it? I know this might sound mad but I feel very alone with this, which is why I'm posting.

It sounds like it could be a good idea to talk to someone x

You have a fetish, and although some will say fetishes are harmless, I disagree. It's preventing you from being able to explore relationships with men, and you don't sound too happy about this limitation. I would find a therapist if I were you to try and understand where this is coming from and why it has such a hold on you.

OP I agree there's just something about a man in a suit. My current dp has been wfh for 2 years with only a handful of days in the office (in a suit) and I miss it.

That said, and yes I have spent a very long time over-analysing this, I think it's much more about how a man presents himself (especially in a suit, but in jeans too) rather than just about what he's wearing.

My exh hardly ever wore a suit. Worked in an industry where nobody dressed in suits, unless it was the boss putting on a show for some potential big client. When he did wear his (singular, Matalan) suit, he thought he was cock of the walk and acted like God's gift, but actually he was incredibly physically uncomfortable, was way out of his comfort zone and a million miles away from the 'geezer' he thought he looked like.

My dp on the other hand... Made my knees wobble (and my fanny gallop) from across a hall one memorable day in his suit and formal winter coat. He wears it with unassuming confidence and exudes an air of I don't know, some sort of authority. BUT he's a confident kinda guy anyway - put him in shorts on the beach and you know he's gonna choose the right spot, in greasy overalls, gardening trousers, walking boots, anything, and I know he's on top of the situation.

Hell, even when he's naked he has that je ne said quoi that turns my insides over. My exh never had that, and that's nothing to do with wearing a suit.

If I was to be back in the dating pool there are things I would look for (and avoid) that would show me if a chap was suit-worthy. It's just something primate-like, that you choose a male partner with unassumed and natural confidence. And if he happens to look great in a suit, all the better.

Maybe you need to have a look at if it's just the suit rather than the man wearing it. Any bloke can put on a jacket and trousers, but not all of them can really wear a suit.

Had to add - as an example of wearing a suit vs putting on a jacket and trousers - think about Boris Johnson vs David Cameron *other politicians are available.

Political leanings and personal feelings aside, one looks like he could be remotely in charge of a country, the other a blithering idiot who has zero chances of getting in my pants. Both no doubt can afford incredibly well-tailored suits, but it's just that little something that makes all the difference.

What happens if you reverse this in your head?
Just suppose you meet Mr Perfect in a suit and he takes one look at you and says “oh, sorry your not wearing an xxx”,

Assuming this is a good faith post...I once read that the difference between a kink and a fetish is a kink is something you like that adds spice, a fetish is something you need and can't fully enjoy sex without it. It sounds like your fetish is interfering with your ability to form a relationship with an actual whole person so yes, it's a problem.

A man in a well-cut suit, crisp white shirt and tie makes me go utterly weak at the knees...but if he turns out to be a twat, all the tailoring in the world won't do it for me. Conversely I've only seen my current partner in a suit and tie once in almost 18 months, but he makes my heart race in jeans and a sweater or shorts and an old t-shirt.

I guess you need to talk to someone.
Its ok to like only men, who are dressed in curtain way (and probably have curtain jobs and lifestyles), but that fact, that you can get attracted to anyone just because of the tie looks like a problem.
Also guys in suits dont wear them 24/7, they also work from home (hello new normal!)), going out just for a walk, shopping, etc. So when the suitguy will be in his sweatpants, you will immediately stop liking him?

OP, you're a woman after my own heart. Barack Obama in sharp tailoring, strolling with easy feline grace across the White House lawn, is my epitome of masculine beauty

I don't think it's strange to fancy certain clothes on a man (or woman). Bruce Springsteen would look good naked, but I suspect we'd all prefer to see him in tight Levi's. Men often have strong kinks for women in particular clothes, notably high heels, and no one seems to regard that as something they need to talk to someone about.

It sounds as if you have no problem attracting partners who dress the way you like. Maybe this is something to explore rather than "solve". The art historian Anne Hollander wrote a book called Sex And Suits, in which she charts the evolution of male attire and how it came to have such a potent erotic charge. Even if it doesn't help you get to the bottom of your interest, I think you'd really enjoy it. (I did.)

It sounds as if you have no problem attracting partners who dress the way you like. Maybe this is something to explore rather than "solve".

Unless I have misunderstood, she also wants them to keep the suit on for sex. Sure, the odd random would probably be bemused and obliging in order to get their leg over but a keeper may not be so keen as an everyone event.

If someone had come in and posted that their partner told them they were only attracted to them and felt up for it if they were wearing high heels and wearing a Santa reindeer headband, would your response have been the same?

On a more light-hearted note, there was a joke about psychiatrist asking a patient if he suffered from any sexual deviations or perversions, to which the patient replied: “Suffer?! Don’t be silly Doctor, I enjoy them!”

Honestly, men in suits are easy. You can put a suit on anyone) If it was men over 6 feet tall with blonde curls and french accent then you’d have a problem)))

I think the issue is when the fetish object becomes more important and essential to arousal than the person.

It does sound as if you're heading down that path.