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Original poster

Should I assume it’s over?

14 replies

BlueMisty · 12/12/2021 22:22

Just looking for opinions really. I’d been on several dates with a man which all had gone well and then last night I asked him if he wanted to come over to watch a film because the weather is rubbish and would rather do that than go out to a bar as planned. Predictably though we ended up having sex after the film had finished. He left afterwards. He’s not messaged today at all and I feel a bit hurt by it if I’m being honest. I think it’s only polite to check in on the person the next day and the fact he hasn’t is making me feel like I have just been completely used for sex. I haven’t messaged him either but I do think most decent men would take the initiative after the first time if only to say he was home okay or something similar. Would you assume he’s done now or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
couchparsnip · 12/12/2021 22:27

He should message you but you shouldn't message him? Is he supposed to be a mind reader? He might just be waiting for you to message first. Or he could be busy. Don't worry yet - it's too soon.

dumplings1 · 12/12/2021 22:37

What's his normal pattern of messaging like?
Tbh it's not a great sign he hasn't contacted you

Sonaftersonafterson · 12/12/2021 23:57

Yeah I wouldn't like that. Recent dates this year for me...the only one who did not message me after a date that involved sex was the one who messed me about and then ghosted me.

Most men, if keen, will message you pretty quickly, especially after sex.

Send him one message and then leave it.

ElectraBlue · 13/12/2021 08:04

I think you are completely right to expect to get a message the following day to check up on you.

Two weeks ago I had sex for the first time with someone I had been seeing and he messaged me the morning after to ask if I was OK. Same the second time, messaged me to check if I had got home safe.

Not a good sign.

I just hate men who do this, pursue for several dates (so you can reasonably assume they are truly interested and then disappear after sex.

Ignore the suggestions that you should message him first instead. He knows full well that it is rude not to make at least brief contact the following day and you don't want to reward lazy and inconsiderate behaviour.

girlmom21 · 13/12/2021 08:11

Was it the first time he's been over? Did you actually spend time together first? Is it the first time you had sex?

Aprilx · 13/12/2021 09:11

I don’t get why he should have messaged you and you should have said there waiting to be messaged.

pastypirate · 13/12/2021 09:42

Have you heard from him now?

Original poster
BlueMisty · 13/12/2021 09:44

@pastypirate no I’ve not.

@Aprilx I don’t think it’s too much to expect that the man would reach out first, it would be the gentlemanly thing to do surely?

OP posts:
MissSmiley · 13/12/2021 09:54

@BlueMisty does he normally reply quite quickly to messages?
I'd send him a bright message saying something positive and if he hasn't replied in his normal timeframe assume it's over.
Was the sex any good?

DropYourSword · 13/12/2021 10:14

Entirely depends on normal text pattern you have with him. If he normally texts you this quickly after a date and hasn’t this time then maybe something is amiss.
But honestly if it’s in line with how you guys normally text then this is just infantile “dating rules” hoop jumping that can get in the bin.

sunshine789 · 13/12/2021 10:20

I agree, it's normal to expect a text day after.
It depends on his texting habbits, did he text you before often\every day?
And, anyway, I think, its a bit too early to come to any conclusions. He might text you later during the day.
And next time you see him (if there will be next time), tell him that you like to get texts after night spent together. If he wont be doing that and its important to you, maybe look for another guy)

Sleephappy · 13/12/2021 10:24

Do not message him first. Read the many threads on here about messaging first and they end in rejection. Just please leave it, if he is into you he will be in touch

supercali77 · 13/12/2021 10:27

Nah its not something I'd be ok with. Basic courtesy. Visited your home. Intimate for the first time. Men aren't idiots they know the decorum. He might message later and it might be not wanting to come on strong but by and large such types are not ones id want to continue with

workshy44 · 13/12/2021 11:55

Agree totally with supercali77 & Sleephappy. You are never in any doubt if someone is interested. I don't think it has ever ended well on here when someone has had to ask o if they are, are advised with reaching out etc, as sleephappy said above, it always ends up in rejection
I really wouldn't bother contacting him as even if he did engage, he most likely just use you for sex and ghost you afterwards

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