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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling hopeless

5 replies

Verysadperson101 · 12/12/2021 21:23

Hello, I can’t believe I’m actually writing this. I’m in my 30’s. 8 years ago I got out of a very bad relationship with my ex (controlling behaviour.. I was with him for 8 years) I straight away going my current partner. We have been together for over 7 years and everything was great (so I thought) but lately I’ve just been feeling like I’m falling out of love. I know love is supposed to fade but I’m left with something I can’t put a finger on. We have been trying for a baby for over a year with one miscarriage… two of our cats died a couple weeks apart and we are also engaged to be married in 6 months. At the start of our relationship he got very Ill so I felt I had to be there no matter what. (He’s healthy now) I just can’t shake the feeling that everything that I thought I wanted.. marriage.. kids etc is not actually what I truly want. I’ve realised that I’ve never truly ever been on my own.. or lived on my own.. had normal experiences.. experimented etc. my partner is a beautiful person inside and out and I feel awful thinking this. He would do absolutely anything for me.. and that makes me feel more guilty and so so sad for him. Lately I’ve just been feeling like I want to be on my own. I’m not sure if it’s the miscarriage, lockdowns, deaths, disappointments making me feel like this, but I can’t help it and it’s eating me inside.

OP posts:
Verysadperson101 · 12/12/2021 21:37

I also want to mention that I don’t think either of us are excited about the wedding. There’s supposed to be a build up, but all I feel is guilt and worry. My partner never brings up the wedding or had any of his own input and I just feel alone.

OP posts:
FlyingOink · 12/12/2021 21:40

Put the wedding off another year or two and go see your GP. Sounds like you're depressed, and no wonder.
Don't make rash decisions when you're in this mindset. Get yourself on an even keel and feeling good about life then reassess whether your partner is right for you.
Don't put yourself under any more pressure!

thesockfromtheroof · 12/12/2021 21:43

You can't be happy with someone until you learn to be happy alone, or so they say.

You've already said you've realised it isn't what you want. So go for what you do want. Life is too short to live it unhappily.

As for your partner, he deserves to be with someone who wants to be with him.

Verysadperson101 · 12/12/2021 21:47

Thank you for replying so fast. I did mention to him a few weeks back that I felt depressed. I feel like a lot has happened and I can’t breathe. I feel like the walls are caving in and I want to run away. But I feel like my partner walks on egg shells with me and that is so upsetting to see. Instead of him trying to help, it feels like he’s overly nice to over compensate for something that’s lacking. Sorry if I’m waffling.

OP posts:
FlyingOink · 12/12/2021 22:48

@Verysadperson101

Thank you for replying so fast. I did mention to him a few weeks back that I felt depressed. I feel like a lot has happened and I can’t breathe. I feel like the walls are caving in and I want to run away. But I feel like my partner walks on egg shells with me and that is so upsetting to see. Instead of him trying to help, it feels like he’s overly nice to over compensate for something that’s lacking. Sorry if I’m waffling.
Focus on getting better. There's no rush to do anything else right now. Good luck.
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