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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shit birthday

14 replies

whatth · 12/12/2021 15:40

It was my birthday recently. Not a big one. Absolutely no effort made by anyone apart from one of my DC. DP bought me a present but that was it. I would have liked to either be taken for a coffee or had tea cooked for me. So no great effort required. It was a normal day. My mum never called me. One of my DC lives away. Called but I missed the call so I called back and no answer. Sent me a happy birthday text so I text back but no answer. I mentioned to DP about tea and he kept saying what do you want. I was about to take DC to an activity and he kept pushing for an answer so I said I didn't want to have to decide for a change. I ended up buying a supermarket takeaway and paid for it myself. The whole day was shit and I'm so upset and hurt that multiple family members didn't care enough. I didn't want anything fancy at all. Just wanted something to show someone had some thought. This is on the back of feeling useless in my new job and ongoing feelings of being unimportant. Am I being ridiculous? Please tell me if I'm being over the top. Thanks

OP posts:
pog100 · 12/12/2021 15:50

Of course you aren't being over the top, we all need some recognition and attention. I think with a non landmark birthday it's not a bad idea to signal beforehand what you would like to happen though it sounds like you did this to some extent with DH. It sounds like you need a heart to heart about how it's made you feel. Will he listen?

Original poster
whatth · 12/12/2021 16:07

Like you say been here before. This is coupled with him never going out with me. Won't go on holiday with me either. Still wants sex though which I now do not want.

OP posts:
pog100 · 12/12/2021 16:33

Sounds like to time to be planning an end to this. Relationships should make your life better.

Suprima · 12/12/2021 16:39

@whatth

Like you say been here before. This is coupled with him never going out with me. Won't go on holiday with me either. Still wants sex though which I now do not want.
So what value is he adding to your life exactly
Original poster
whatth · 12/12/2021 18:01

Absolutely nothing at the moment. I have some thinking to do.

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 12/12/2021 18:52

You are not being ridiculous.
I like to plan my birthday a week or so before rather than wait for others to come up with something on the day. So in your case I would have made plans for coffee and cake out and a takeaway tea type of thing.

kelseypops · 12/12/2021 18:53

I've recently left my H. He never made an effort for my birthday. I'm not one that wants fancy gifts but it's all about the thought. That's it. H took me for granted massively. He always popped to the supermarket the night before my bday to see what he could get me. A couple of years ago he gave me £70 he won on a scratch card.

For me, our marriage was crap. I dreaded my birthday as I knew I would be disappointed.

My last bday, my dad got me nothing, H got me nothing - managed to pop to Asda the night before so for my some flowers and a bday badge from the kids. And then was disappointed I didn't wear the badge Hmm
My mum got my pjs and I would never wear and returned.

You have every right to be disappointed, it's not much to ask for someone to put a bit of effort into you for one day a year. Sorry op, sending hugs

RantyAunty · 12/12/2021 19:27

Give yourself a gift of getting rid of this knob.

cakecakecheese · 12/12/2021 20:20

You're not overreacting it's not asking too much to want a bit of effort but this isn't just about your birthday is it, it's about feeling underappreciated in general.

Newduvet · 12/12/2021 20:24

No, not overreacting, that is very hurtful and thoughtless.

Thanksagainand · 12/12/2021 21:23

Oh gosh I’m with you. I don’t usaually get anything. For Xmas he’s announced that he’s got me some gloves that were £6.99 and good value. I mean woop woop. Last year I bought myself pjs and he went mad, the year before I got some boots from m and s, so not posh. And wrapped them and he went mad. We were just in lidl and he says he’ll get a turkey thing for Xmas day from there, may as well pick it up now. I mean, where’s the joy where’s the fun? What is wrong with these guys.

Joy69 · 12/12/2021 21:49

It's not the presents on birthdays ( although they are nice Grin) It's the acknowledgement on that one day that you are important. I think a lot of men have a get out clause of "I don't really do birthdays". They may not, but other people do.
My ex was shocking at birthdays( amongst a few other things) . Luckily for me I have amazing friends who always make me feel special on my birthday.

Original poster
whatth · 12/12/2021 22:42

@kelseypops and @thanksagainand I'm sorry you've had this too. My mum got me a pair of woollen gloves and no phone call. I try not to take it personally but I can't help it. I'm at that age where I feel like getting in the car and disappearing because there would only be one person who would even notice. I've just had enough of all the shit life has thrown at me over the years. So done with it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatth · 12/12/2021 22:43

Sorry. I sound a bit moany but I just want to bloody moan.

OP posts:
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