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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Another cheating one

4 replies

Probablymaybe19 · 12/12/2021 14:07

Today I found a condom wrapper in the spare bedroom. Definitely no mine, nor my DD (he is not yet a teenager) so, just leaves one answer right? Of course he has denied it, the usual gaslighting no idea where is came from etc etc. I was away Friday night so I am assuming it happened then. He has form for cheating and not admitting it (last time took several years before I got the truth). I know I should LTB but, financially I am stuck. We rent and I can't afford the rent alone even with maintenance from him. Nor can I afford to rent another property nearby, unless a house share which obviously is not a choice with my DS. No family nearby it's a mess. No idea who this person he cheated with is and to be honest that doesn't matter to me because, she isn't the first. I thought we were in a good place, it's such a mess.

OP posts:
Probablymaybe19 · 12/12/2021 14:08

Sorry should be DS not DD in first sentence

OP posts:
Squeezyhug · 12/12/2021 14:14

Stop having sex with him to protect your health. Get tested.
I know you have no family nearby but would moving nearer to family be an option?

Could he move out and you claim some benefits for you and DS including help with rent and maintenance from DH.
If there are no consequences for your DH he will carry on cheating.

Probablymaybe19 · 12/12/2021 14:38

@Squeezyhug - I completely agree regarding no consequences. If I move back to family I would have to give up my job and my son his friends and lovely school. I know none of this is me, he would do it whatever I did or was. I am just so sad my life has turned into this. It is clearly him as it can't be anyone else and it wasn't there a few days ago as I have been using that room to store Xmas presents. I want to scream and shout at him but, he will just gaslight me further. I can try to start to save for a move but it will take ages and by then I will have probably and very stupidly got over it (until the next time!)

OP posts:
Squeezyhug · 12/12/2021 15:05

Maybe you can save up until your ds is older and LTB then.
Does DH have a pension or savings?
Good to find out about these before leaving him.
Even if you have a long term goal, it might give you a mental boost and something to work towards.
You can forgive but definately don’t forget/ get over it.
Make him use a condom with you for your safety.

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