Divorce

[Joeynelson]

hi. After 23 years I’m finally divorcing my husband who is a narcissist and I had a lonely marriage. He took away my confidence and self esteem. He had no interest in me and his opinion was I looked after the children and he went to work. In the last 5 years both my mother and sister died. He was not there to support me and has zero empathy. Our divorce is in early stages and he’s just moved out. He was devastated and claimed to love me. however he is already going out with an old friend of mine who I always knew was after him. When he husband died I was the one who was by her side 24/7 along with her 4 kids I’m absolutely disgusted. Furious seething. Is it rebound? I’m devastated.
I have no regrets for divorcing him but hooking up with her so soon.
How do I deal with it.

Just focus on yourself & your new life, you have had a lucky escape. His new woman has everything you had to cope with to come. Don't enter in to any arguments, keep all communications brief & don't bite if he tries to start.

My first thought was he’ll be doing it in part to spite you. Men in general don’t take kindly to being spurned.
Some friend eh, you’re so much better off without both of them, sounds as if they haven’t messed up a good couple!

Once you’ve worked thru all hurt, disappointment and worry the world for you really will be a kinder, calmer place. Best wishes.

Be glad that you are finally getting free of him.

Thy deserve each other and clearly rebound. But still. She couldn't wait to jump in for him. I feel sick and full of anger. He had audacity to think I had an affair. No way. Now he's shagging my friend and we're married still. I am doing my best not to say anything to either of them. Are they laughing behind my back?

I daresay both of them are giving each other a highly sanitized version justifying their own questionable behaviour! Ignore, ignore, ignore. Bite down till it doesn’t hurt any longer. Don’t be tempted to comment or retaliate, remain a dignified silence. No possible good can come from a to and fro argument that has no end, and when whatever you say will probably be falsely repeated back to his squeeze. You stepping back, ignoring them will irk them more than you’ll ever know. Good luck

I know it’s hard, but really, who cares what they are doing behind your back? He’s a colossal Twat, who has treated you appallingly. You are well shot of him. And she was supposed to be your friend. I abhor women that get involved with a friends DP or DH, it’s an absolutely dreadful thing to do. Concentrate on building your future life, focus on you, what you want, what you need. That pair of arseholes absolutely deserve each other and, don’t worry, it won’t last because he won’t be able to keep up the facade for long! Look forward to and focus on your bright future, not on those morally devoid plebs.

You've got yourself a 2 for 1 deal on getting rid of shitty people in your life, there. I can see why it hurts but don't let it grind you down.

I'm trying hard to do everything you have all suggested. And thanks for your words of encouragement. Finding the strength and ignoring him and his tantalising behaviour. Biting my tongue and not giving him airtime. But it's not easy!!

XDH was online dating 3 weeks after I announced our marriage was over. He was devastated, genuinely, but like your husband just didn't see me as a whole human being.

Initially I was shocked too, but a friend with some good insight said I should take his dating as a compliment - he needed to replace me immediately.

It did make life easier in some ways - he had somewhere else to go so we could escape each other (while selling the house).

The hardest thing for me after a long marriage was learning that what XDH did/said/thought just didn't matter to me any more. But once I got the hang of that it was so much easier.

No, it won’t be easy. You’ll be tested beyond belief……but remember the old saying. ‘Nothing worthwhile comes easy’, and getting shot of the pair of them is one of the most worthwhile things you’ll ever do. Keep a dignified silence, keep your head high, this time WILL.pass. Time now to concentrate fully on yourself, your next move, your future happiness.

Having divorced a narcissist myself 10 years ago I just wanted to say be thankful that you're rid of him. Your 'friend' will get her come uppance when she realises what a twat he is. Look after yourself, and be happy.

To be honest, she will probably put up with all his crap because she’s been after him for a Long time. Leave them to it and concentrate on you.

Ah honestly don't let it get to you. it will end, probably quite soon, and he will be crawling around you. It's silly nonsense and he is cheapening himself, as is she. Pretty cringe behaviour but seen it happen so many times

Say nothing, retain your dignity and laugh at them when it crumbles.

A short while after telling my husband our marriage was over (we had been together 23 years too and he was also "Heartbroken") he was sending explicit messages on the family computer to a woman who lives around the corner. Such a sad cliche.

Onwards and upwards op! This way to happiness >>>>>

My exH was online dating as soon as he moved out. Had a gf within a month, moved in with her within a year.
Some men can’t be alone.

Why does it matter to you who he is dating? You don’t want him. Not like he left you for her…:
Focus on rebuilding Your life