Abusive marriage and feeling sad

[Maryk123]

Hi guys. So I have been married for over a year with a small son and living with my in laws. I feel so sad as I feel my marriage is coming to an end. My husband has slapped me, punched me during arguments, called me slag, useless and dumb. I am of Pakistani heritage and my family have been very supportive. Our recent argument escalated in me returning to my parents home. They want me to leave him but for the last few months my husband has been behaving himself, coming home early and apologising when he has shouted at me. I feel things were improving and our recent argument only escalated because I didn’t control my temper either, shouted and swore back. I am 39 years old and I just don’t want to be a single mother with a young child. My husband is a good looking guy (32) and I know he will replace me immediately. Whilst I will probably be single and alone forever. Do abusive men change and could things have gotten better if I knew how to argue better and controlled my own temper? He is also on a dating app which makes me think he is looking to replace me?

He has "improved" because he realised he is losing control of you. Once you are back he will resort to how he controlled you before, by intimidating you, slapping you and punching you.

This is not a healthy relationship to show your child. People do not go around punching people, it is why it is illegal. This has nothing to do with your behaviour and everything to do with his

The Lundy Bancroft book Why Does He Do That? is available online as a pdf so you can read it today.

Also at the top of this Relationships board is a thread called Right, listen up everybody. Read the opening to that too.

You deserve better, you deserve more, you deserve to be loved and cherished, appreciated and adored. This man is not giving you that.

@OnTheBenchOfDoom

He has "improved" because he realised he is losing control of you. Once you are back he will resort to how he controlled you before, by intimidating you, slapping you and punching you.

This is not a healthy relationship to show your child. People do not go around punching people, it is why it is illegal. This has nothing to do with your behaviour and everything to do with his

The Lundy Bancroft book Why Does He Do That? is available online as a pdf so you can read it today.

Also at the top of this Relationships board is a thread called Right, listen up everybody. Read the opening to that too.

You deserve better, you deserve more, you deserve to be loved and cherished, appreciated and adored. This man is not giving you that.

OP You see, we all agree on this. You just need to wake up and see him for what he really is.

So I went back 2 weeks, tried to make things work but they went horribly wrong yesterday when I didn’t give him £500 he needed. I am so upset because I really tried to make things work. What is wrong with me??? Why can’t I just leave him

There’s nothing wrong with you. It takes most women a few attempts to leave an abusive man. You did what lots of women do - you felt partially responsible for his behaviour and felt you should try to manage him so he treated you better. It never works.

Now at least you can have certainty in your mind that he isn’t going to change. Ask your family for help, they see him for who he is. Do the freedom programme to get clarity on why you’re drawn to him. You can do this.

It's not easy leaving an abusive marriage. Your lucky that your family realised what he was like and have helped you leave him
He would never had admitted that he was wrong. Instead he improved his behaviour to suck you back in. If you stayed with him he would have beten you up again. You and your child deserve to be in a home where your safe and happy.

I have a friend who had 3 children with a man. She tried for years to make the relationship work. He was a drinker. As long as he had money for drink that's all that mattered. My friend had enough of his drinking and the fact that he spend money she needed for the children. She did not want her children growing up in this situation. She ended things with him and got him to move out.
Today her children are adults. 2 of them have degrees and good jobs. Her 3rd child is doing a degree and working part time.

@Maryk123

So we had a meeting between the families over the weekend and my brother was pushing to ending the relationship. I ended up packing my bags at my family request and coming to my parents home. I do feel resentful to my brother and sister because I do believe that had they had put proper ground rules in and gave it another chance things may have been different and we could have salvaged this marriage.

Your brother and sister have saved you. One terrible punch again and you could not be here. Imagine leaving your child with the vile man.

Run run run. Thank goodness for your siblings.

There's nothing wrong with you it's really difficult leaving an abusive relationship, I certainly tried a few times before finally managing to for good. Think of it as stopping smoking most people don't on their first go but they do in the end, each attempt takes you closer. I would say when you try again make plenty of space from him, no talking, texting, no supervising contact or even doing handovers, you can do it and your family are there for you and wanting the best for you.

Definitely get rid of this loser.. he hits you and is on a dating app all in the 1st Yr of marriage!!!! What a charmer!
How would you feel if your child when an adult got punched in their relationship. Have more respect for yourself hun