Where do I get help with this..

[MomOfBoyz2]

I'm not quite sure where to begin..
I'm married to a lovely man first of all. We've been together for years and it's my issue I want to address but he's the trigger if that makes sense. He gets cross about normal things and will say how he feels and then move on. He doesn't hold a grudge or carry it on. He's just a normal bloke. So if for instance there's a mess on the table when he's about to dish up he'll shout "can someone clear this up please" not in an angry way but just a normal kind of ffs sort this out guys!!
I immediately pick up that he's cross and my anxiety hits the roof.. I rush to sort it out and smooth things over and then I feel all churned up and stressed. Then I stew over it and walk on eggshells for a while.. all the time my husband is totally normal and not cross or being funny with me at all.
Now to avoid a drip feed, growing up I had a rough time. My mum was young and left me with my grandma when I was maybe 6.. she was in and out if my life and then when I was a teenager my grandma died and I had to go live with my mum and step dad. My mum was very difficult and would give me the silent treatment alot. My stepdad would walk on eggshells constantly around her and I think I lived in total fear of pissing her off. I've worked hard to get through all this and to be more loving and just a better mum all round.
But it's like this response is so ingrained in me I can't stop it. It's like my body takes over and I can't stop to think.
My husband knows all about my past and we've talked alot about my feelings when we argue etc and how arguments make me feel. And he has helped by being more open but I feel like I want to do something about this myself.. this happens may be once a month or even every couple of months so it's not like we're at loggerheads but id love to just have a normal response to an argument like my friends do... conflict with my husband literally makes me sick and I'm done with it.
Where do I start? I'm worried that counselling would open a whole other can of worms that I don't want to wade through
Thanks for reading this mammoth post and any advice would be greatly appreciated

Anyone?

I know what you mean, I'm the same way. I even think strangers are annoyed with me for the most ridiculous reasons sometimes as well.

The only thing I would ask, is why doesn't he do these sorts of things himself, why does he shout that it needs to be done and you rush to do it?

I'm not really sure what advice to give as I'm similar to you, I have been considering counselling for other reasons as well, maybe that would be a good idea?

@MomOfBoyz2 Hi op I'm sorry you feel this way and can understand your upset ,the only suggestion I have if it would help is when you you feel triggered is to take a deep breath, close your eyes and say to yourself he's not mum ,do this several times and see if it helps in any way x

Thanks for the reply..
That specific example was the table was covered in paper and pens and craft stuff that the kids had just left out. He'd cooked tea so he asked for the table to be cleared that's all.
I just feel like I must jump to stop him getting angry.. It's like I do it without even thinking about it

Also a few years ago he went through a tricky patch and was actually very down. He did get angry with me a bit and this made me go off the scale but I've always been this way. Is it my anxiety?
We've since talked about this period and he's apologised and things are good now.
I feel like any counselling would be such a bloody mammoth task that I'm not sure where I would even start!!

21Tittyfilarious81

I don't think I get time to think that.
It's an immediate response and happens almost without me thinking about it
I physically feel the panic almost and then I register it in my brain

Hello. I can relate to you as I am the same. I also had a bad childhood.

I have recently had EMDR Therapy and it has helped massively with some o my anxieties.

Sounds like you would benefit from this xx

@MomOfBoyz2 I'm sorry to hear that op I'd hoped it would be something you could try x

Gosh I'm really dumping it all out here aren't I..
I've worked so so hard on my anxiety and have learnt to meditate and relax my mind and I don't need my meds anymore, it's been a few years now. I'm really really level and feel great. But this is the one thing I can't seem to fix?

Tittyfilarious81

I appreciate you trying to help

Googleboxfan

I will have a look at that. I feel like the childhood me is a separate person almost and I've drawn a line and started again when I became a mum and now I'm the mum I wish I had
Maybe that's at the root of all this and I have to unpick it

Have googled and wonder if CBT might be better